busy buzzy bee

So, I've got a few days and nights here where I can take the time I want and need to get some things done. Last night I stayed up late working on my new budget spreadsheet and tonight's project - a return to meal planning!


Today was a bit busy - an early morning haircut, a trip to the glasses store to pick up Andrew's hot new frames and get Boo's often-abused specs adjusted. We grabbed lunch there (don't worry - we went to lunchbox - local, organic, yummy, budget stretching, but not breaking) and when we got home I bailed on plans to go outside and went to bed instead. It was nice.

I woke up to a snuggly Boo (who had snuck out of his own bed) and decided I did want to go out - called up a friend and went to see Baby Mama. It was about as meh as I expected it to be, but it was good for a couple laughs and required me to do nothing but sit and watch. It was nice, too.

Tomorrow we'll finally do some laundry and that makes me happy. I'm planning a small grocery trip that should stock us up for the next two weeks and a visit to my favourite discount store (it is like an old five and dime - I heart it!!). Andrew is out tomorrow night, so I am going to snuggle in for some Buffy!!! I can't believe I am only in Season 4/7.

the good and the bad

My life's been running me through the ringer again. These weeks suck, especially in retrospect. Every mistake magnified, pushing aside all the great bits. At times like these I like to make two lists, a list of those things I am most grateful for and one of those things I wish to leave behind.

the good
my tummy is full of yummy, nutritous food
my home is warm and dry
my family is safe
I've been embroidering
I have access to great resources
my kids are patient and cute
rubber boots
finally saw the business of being born (for free! online!!)
my begonia is still alive
my veggies are sprouting
in fact, my yarn is kickin' ass
I like the new Chatelaine
the very awesome and daring Natasha Kogan
the folks that are fighting for insite
cooking at home isn't so tough
I have an appointment with my therapist today (but it is our next to last)
my camera is repaired, and at no cost to us!

the not-so-good
I have too many projects on the go
I feel like my period is never coming and I will just be PMS'd to death
I blew my first one week challenge pretty dramatically
we're broke, like the kind of broke that leaves me wondering if we get coffee or TP this week
my son is in full three-year-old destructo-child mode

what we're up to

As everyone knows, Christmas is coming - and soon. This will not be the year I get Christmas cards sent - hell, I haven't even registered my daughter's birth yet. Nor will it be the year I craft all my gifts by hand - though if I can crack off a couple for dear friends and family I will be very happy. Luckily I make a mean cookie - so if nothing else, my group of family and family-esque people can count on getting fed.

Here's the awesome bit, none of this bothers me much. Oh it bothers me a wee bit, I wish we were the family who had holiday cards sent out early and a great stash of gifts that had been made over the year. But it isn't killing me... and, while someday I will likely tire of the numbness the medication provides, this vacation from constantly running through my mental list of successes and failures (past, present and future) is exquisite. It is almost as lovely as sipping margaritas on some tropical beach.

Today we met* some friends at a great little coffee shop for some brunch and coffees**. It was fun - a lot of fun. I wonder if I talked too much about myself - and I definitely didn't anticipate how HOT I would be wearing two layers and a baby - but I felt like *myself* again. Yesterday was the same story, we went to a big holiday party hosted by the family centre we attend, and I ran into a lot of people who'd become familiar faces over the past months and was able to just talk to them. I didn't try and run off, I wasn't so focused on my internal dialogue I couldn't follow the conversation and I even handled an uncomfortable situation with something in the same neighbourhood as grace.

enjoying his soy bambinoccino:


so much cute:


me and ms. giggly-pants:

following the trail back to home***:



My relationships inside the house are improving as well, Sebastian feeds off my anxiety and so with me being much less anxious, he is too. Plus, I am not so fatalistic about how every interaction will affect him later in life - which is making life a whole lot easier to handle. He is sleeping better - Andrew and I have been doing a modified Ferber on him and it seems to be working... he still yells and screams, but we've been keeping cool and so, if nothing else, we feel better. And he is just so much fun to be around since we've stopped trying to turn every interaction into some kind of life lesson (something I don't think we'd even realised we were doing until recently - and really, how dull must that be for poor Sebastian?).

I am even finding a mess/clean balance I am able to live with. It isn't perfect - I am currently avoiding the bedroom because if I go in there I will spend the day cleaning it, but it is working for me. And I am starting to think about giving myself a to-do list and see how things go.

*in both senses of the word - we met up with some mama-friends we knew and some new ones

**I had too much of both, downing two lattes and splitting an incredible banana and chocolate bread pudding and a deliciously moist ricotta, apple) and almond muffin

***the petals lead to a flower shop and were such a beautiful surprise

"would it be uncouth for my water to break on the steps of the Vancouver Club?"

Dinner at the fancy-pants club was fantastic! Everyone looked great and we were all on our best behaviour. I would have photos but in my pregnant state forgot to change the battery on my camera. The photo above is of the room we ate in... pretty fucking surreal. Sebastian was one of many young children in attendance and was amazingly well-behaved despite missing his afternoon nap. I enjoyed myself immensely, even though I was a little concerned that what I was writing off as false labour (that lasted the entire evening) might be more serious... turns out my gut was right and not just drunk off of turkey juice. Either way I was not about to let it stop me from gorging myself on everything in sight, I figured if it turned out to really be labour at least I would have eaten well beforehand.

The food was incredible - every single kind of holiday food you could imagine, plus a dessert table that included the requisite chocolate fountain. The homemade pumpkin pie lived up to the hype and was even served with fresh whipped cream... then there were the mini creme brulees, delicate chocolate mousse cups, raspberry tarts, something rich, unidentifiable and smothered in blueberries, and the heaps and heaps of stuff I did not have the pants space to try. While I doubt it will ever replace our traditional holiday dinners - where we gather around a meal where something has been burnt, something forgotten and always something spilled, traditional meals where the talk flows easily and comfortably and the distraction of a giant television screen is nearby - this holiday dinner was the perfect solution to our current state of familial upheaval.

My father takes possession of his new home next week and his normally impeccable abode is strewn with the detritus of moving and packing, Andrew's parents have only enough time in their new house to begin the long process of unpacking, and we, among other things, have been the somewhat reluctant* recipients of the excess of both moves.

I would, however, happily play the part of privileged daughter once or twice a year if it meant eating like that again...

*we *love* the shelving unit Andrew's parents have passed down to us - the energy and time it took to switch from our old furniture to the new, however, has left me frazzled and sore. But it is up, it is full, and on the bright side we sorted through some stuff that has been sitting since our own move last April.

they will have to roll me out the door

Thanksgiving weekend is already upon us. Andrew's parents - who are settling into their new lives as island-dwellers nicely - will be coming to the mainland tomorrow for a trip to Ikea followed by dinner with my side of the family at my father's club. Normally I would be embarrassed by the excess, but on this occasion I appreciate that I will not need to cook, clean or play hostess. With a number of aunts and grandparents around, I am even holding out hope that Andrew and I may get a chance to eat a hot meal in relative peace.

The idea of homemade pumpkin pie has me drooling - this is one of my favourite parts of fall family celebrations. And turkey (yes, I am eating meat again) with all the trimmings... mmmmmmmm....

On the subject of food,some of you who have been reading for sometime may have noticed I have stopped writing about cooking and eating good, healthy, fresh food. I am about to confess a great sin - we have been eating mostly take-out and fast-food for the last couple of months. Try as I might I have not been able to muster the desire to cook, and when I do, by the time food is ready to hit the table I don't feel like eating it. There have been blissful days when Andrew has done the cooking and the evenings when I am glad I made chili the night before, because it is so much yummier the following day anyways. So instead we've been eating naughty food, and feeling the effects of it - but finding ourselves mysteriously unable to break the cycle. We're working on it - but with the new babe coming soon I figured it was smarter to just load up on not that great, but still a) cheaper and b) healthier, easy foods. So our freezer is stocked with things like pizzas, perogies and frozen waffles, our pantry with macaroni and cheese (okay, not all of it is healthier), crackers (to be served with cheese or cream cheese), kid snacks, granola bars, pasta and rice (so much rice - I forgot we already had a ton and bought a bunch more), I bought a bunch of single-serve yogurts for Sebastian and some fall veggies for the one or two times I will feel like cooking. It is a small step up.

I am giving myself until the New Year - at which point I plan on us being back to full-time cooking. By that point I will be ready to start getting into shape, we'll be settling into life as a foursome and will be so sick of pizza. Not to mention how unsustainable this kind of eating is - not only do we feel piles of guilt over all the packaging waste, we also simply can't afford it. I spent more on two weeks worth of groceries on this trip than I have since I started keeping track.

But enough guilt. I am so excited for a nice Thanksgiving with so much of our family. As a bonus - Andrew will be working Monday, so will make some awesome OT! I *heart* over time (except when it means I never see my husband).

if I manage to move my butt off the couch

and do the three things I want to get done first, I am going to make this bread from the New Homemaker site. I am out of wheat gluten (I actually forgot why it was I used to buy it) and so will be messing with the recipe a little, but the process looks like it is most of the trick anyways.

okay - 1...2...3....ooooooof

UPDATE - I did not get to this yesterday, it is now 10:00am and I have just started the first step. I'm planning on making one loaf and some dinner rolls, since I only have one bread pan.

SECOND UPDATE - The bread rocks, unfortunately we totally overcooked it because we had to run out and do an errand and trusted our oven's timer. On the way home Andrew pointed out that the over takes for-freaking-ever to cool off after use so the bread would likely be over-baked. It was. The stuff in the centre was delish and moist though and I am definitely making the bread again. The steps seems a little daunting (a sponge??) but it was actually all pretty simple and quick between waits. I used my mixer for kneading and will continue to unless I have an extra 30 minutes for kneading (an activity I totally enjoy), and because I was gluten-less I used one cup white flour and reduced the w/w by 1/2 a cup. Though while kneading I added about an extra 1/2 cup w/w flour to keep it from being too sticky. When I have a successful loaf (tomorrow, if I am on the ball enough) I will post.

wha' happen?

It's been a long few weeks - 32 of them, to be precise.

Pregnancy is really kicking my ass this time around, it seems. Or more accurately, it is eating my brain. I can't kick this sense that things that ought to take me no time at all are taking me far too long - and I would likely be right. I am moving at the pace of a sloth, a very lazy sloth.

It isn't just physically, or even predominately physically, my mind has slowed right down and it takes me so long to process a thought. I am finding myself very easily distracted too - case in point, I sat down nearly two hours ago to write this blog entry - great ideas floating around my head like pretty balloons. But then I checked my email, and a website, and then the news headlines, then I thought of something - so I looked up our old grocery delivery service, and there was music to listen to, and a new craft project to mull over, plus photos from our last week to upload to Flickr and then, suddenly, it is noon and nearly time for me to go pick up my dear son (whom I am assuming has had an amazing time with his dear, young, unpregnant aunts).

Bloody hell.

I remember a time when my writing was good with tiny smatterings of pretty great. I know this happened because I can look back and see it... No, I may not have ever been on the path to winning any awards or even entertaining more than three people - but it was something that was mine, my outlet, my something tangible - and now I feel like it escapes me (to the point that it took me three attempts to spell "escapes"). I am sure that it is all still in there, somewhere, and that my current manifestation as Kate Harris - wife, mother, cooker of food and grower of people, will evolve to include all the other things I enjoy doing (and frankly, there have been a few days here that I have very much enjoyed none of my titles as currently written).

I am very much looking forward to two now-pressing sewing projects, even though completing them will mean a slip in another area. I have two weeks to make a late birthday/christmas gift and then a little more time (though not too much) to complete my very first commission. I have made a commitment to finding ways to simplify everything else - like returning to paying a bit more for the convenience of healthy, organic food delivered to my door weekly, and sticking to my very detailed and organised budget.

And because this is the best photo I have ever taken - EVER

taken just before leaving the dock on a small ferry trip around False Creek

a glorious little space for little people

This morning we checked out a café/diner we have been itching to go to for a couple months. Little Nest is tucked away just off the Drive, up Charles; walking up to the front door, I admit I was a little bit overwhelmed. The place is noisy and at 10:30 on a Sunday morning, packed with people. Their debit machine was either not functioning or non-existent, not a problem for us on most days (Andrew and I try to only deal in cash anyways) but our brunch guests did need to find the nearest bank machine.

Sebastian felt right at home in the large and well-stocked play area. He found a great vintage-looking wind-up train and an old Fisher-Price airport and plane. Our group of 6+1 took up one end of the large centre table, a substantial vintage wood table painted the colour of a pale robin’s egg. When our food came Sebastian sat in one of those fantastic old highchairs with the Formica trays. Our food was delicious, I chose the very simple Two Eggs with Soldiers – two boiled eggs with strips of hearty brown bread. Sebastian loved his Kid’s French Toast, but also insisted on having one of my eggs (minus the yolk, which we all know is the best part!), Andrew and Molly both ordered the Potato Frittata, which came with a salad, only one of them noticed that the dish had sausage in it – Andrew says that it was awesome anyways, but will remember to omit the meat next time. Casey had a fresh-baked almond muffin and Amy and Nancy both ordered the Pancetta Scrambled Eggs, which looked and smelled like heaven*.

I found the egg-shaped salt and pepper shakers really charming, and the fact that they use local ingredients, including only cooking organic, free-range eggs, very reassuring. The Little Nest staff is friendly and hard working, I have heard complaints about the service from other parents, but didn’t find the wait for our food terrible. The only one among us who might have kicked up a fuss in any other place was reluctant to stop what he was doing to come eat once the food did arrive. I like the order the front, have your food brought to your table set-up they have, but the resulting line-up – coupled with a lack of tables – did make us nearly turn-away.

The din, while constant, was not as overwhelming as it felt when we first walked in – the high ceilings allowed for decent acoustics and we were able to maintain a comfortable conversation. I see Little Nest working through some growing pains to become the ideal place to bring your kids for a bite. My only suggestion would be to get a gate or half-door for the front. We saw one frazzled mother drop her food repeatedly to chase her feisty pre-schooler as he made his way out the front door. I could very easily see myself in her runners. I was also a little warm in there for my liking – but I think that will sort itself out soon.

Review on Urban Diner

*cast of characters: Amy - my 21-year-old half-sister, visiting from Calgary, Molly - my 14-year-old half-sister, Casey - my 16-year-old half-sister, and Nancy-my (ex)step-mother, mother to Casey and Molly.

it sounds to me like you need a swift kick in the arse

and I did.

Tonight we were visited by our lovely neighbourhood midwife and found out that I only just barely passed my gestational diabetes screening. This means I will continue to plan a natural home birth, YAY, but will otherwise act as though I am borderline GD. Meaning I will cut all simple sugar (booo), eat a well-balance diet (yay), go for a 10-minute walk after every meal, eat more complex carbs and a better balance of protein, fibre and carbohydrates. Essentially, I will have to adopt a healthy diet (oh no!). If only french fries and ice cream didn't taste so wonderful.

I also found out my iron is low - not anemic low, just on the bottom edge of normal. So I will be getting back on the floradix, not that I went off of it on purpose - I just stopped remembering to take it.

Both these bits of news sort-of suck, but in the grand scheme they are terrific bit of news - the swift kick in the butt that the whole family needed to get back to eating well (which, for us, seems to be the key to doing everything else well). I'd been slowly, but loudly, trying to point us back onto the good food path - but since I didn't really mind eating crap food and drinking pop, I wasn't really pushing that hard. Now I don't have much of a choice.

I tend to function best when my choices are limited, so this is all a blessing.

it takes all kinds

Sebastian is a talker, a BIG talker, a non-stop talker and some of the things he comes up with to fill the silence are hilarious. I am not the type to dump a whole load of Sebastian-isms on all six of you who read my blog regularly - but here a few worthy nuggets:

he has replaced "yes" with "you bet!"

Do you want to go to the park Sebastian? "you bet!"
Would you like to take a bath? "you bet!"
Do you need a new diaper? "you bet!"

he came out of the bathroom, clad only in a towel, chanting "toga! toga! toga!"

tofu = "toe food" (often "yummy toe food")

he has begun to say either "let's rock" or "let's rock and roll, mom" when it is time to leave.

and lastly - at the market this week he yelled a woman about to pick up a watermelon: "careful! really heavy watermelon."



He is an amazing kid, my Boo. He isn't even two and a half (and because he is short, bald and baby-faced is often mistaken as a bit younger) but he communicates so well, listens when asked to put things back where he found them (at the bank it was a pile of pamphlets, at the coffee shop* it was a plastic cup - returned neatly to the shelf, and at the post office/general store it was a whole bunch of things from shoe polish to plungers - which brought much admiration from both the man behind the counter and the throngs of older women gathered at the post office (four women ranging in age from about 50 to about 80). This all made up for his earlier anti-social behaviour - though I admit that by the time we got home I was more than ready for him to take a nap (which he did without a fuss).

This evening he and Andrew played a bit while I made dinner - something that for some reason I had absolutely no desire to do... some days five hits and the last thing I want to do is get off my butt and make food. Those are usually the days I have spent more than an appropriate amount of time on my butt already. After dinner (an improvised big salad with tofu and brown rice noodles) Sebastian and Andrew went to the park for an hour while I updated my craft blog instead of doing dishes or anything else remotely active. They then took a bath together and Sebastian came out and I put cream on his rashy bits, then a diaper and pjs - not one of which I had to get up off my butt to do. And now that they are going to bed I am still sitting exactly where I was left.

I am lazy.

Tomorrow is a new day, I have a toddler group activity that I am still debating attending (because of the rain it was moved to a kid-friendly cafe that I am not very fond of, plus I would be expected to at the very least buy a tea) - I have a much shorter list of things that desperately need doing, thanks to a few late nights and today's running around. If it is anything like today, I may just head to the laundromat, throw some boots on boo and hit some puddles between loads, pay my cell bill and rent a kid's dvd at the video store. And spend a nice afternoon putting fresh laundry away and cleaning house.

*if you are reading this and wondering why I am spending money when I shouldn't be - at Starbucks, no less - I just want to point out I got a tea and it was only because I had to buy something to use their bathroom.

three people, 12 days, $120 - what *will* they eat?

That's the challenge - feed my family of three on $120 for twelve days (today until next payday - Friday, July 27).

This morning found me looking up recipes that would make use of the food we had on hand (canned beans - 2 black, 2 chick pea, canned tomatoes - 2 large cans, three boxes of macaroni and cheese and not much else). I searched VegWeb and found a nice assortment of easy, inexpensive recipes and found this, not one to ever leave a recipe alone, I came up with this. Other than a small gripe about the lemon from my sour-hating husband, it got rave reviews (he ended up finishing off Sebastian's, so it can't have been that bad). Total cost: $6 for 4 adult-sized servings (so enough for the three of us plus lunch leftovers).

Here is our 12 day meal plan (click to zoom):

I will keep adding recipes to my food blog as I try them out - most are inspired by things I found today at VegWeb.

This we're doing to make it work: simple breakfasts: cereal with milk, toast and jam, fruit. Using what we have on hand: canned and dry foods, cereal, snacks (granola bars, crackers, dried fruit). Eating as per our meal plan *and* not spending any of our other money (allocated elsewhere) on "just one thing" type foods. Buying groceries in four-day blocks: this way things won't go bad and we'll be less likely to run out for one thing and come home with five.

This is just week one (and two) in what I hope to turn into a long-term experiment. How little can I spend and still eat great food? Can I stay creative while being frugal?

a view from above - and other fun

The day that falls right between the weekends is usually a tough one for us. The excitement of the upcoming weekend not yet upon us and any feelings of rest or refreshment from the previous weekend have faded, no longer days where my one and only thought is "When will Andrew be walking through the (fucking) door??" Wednesdays are still long, exhausting days - especially when they start too early and are populated by a crabby, teething toddler and a crabby, tired pregnant lady. Thank goodness for friends, coffee, and switching my laundry day to Friday.

This morning Sebastian and I met up with two other mamas and their kids - we had a coffee and then headed over to the insanity that was the kerrisdale play palace. Now that older kids are out of school this place is a freaking zoo, not that Sebastian minded one bit - he had a blast running from activity to activity and even managed to stand in line once for the giant slide. Smart boy that he is, though, he saw the waste of waiting 3 minutes for a 10 second ride and chose instead to frequent the smaller slide on the obstacle course. I didn't get a whole lot of social time in, what with chasing him all over a full-sized arena littered with toys and small people, but I did manage to briefly catch up with a dad I had met back in New Westminster before we moved to our new digs. Turns out they also just moved and we now live about a dozen blocks apart. I am looking forward to getting to know him and his son better - my impression from our first few meetings is that he is a really cool guy and an awesome parent.

Sebastian and I shared a lovely picnic lunch on a hill beside a running track (his pick), we had tiny pb&j sandwiches with grapes and oranges for him and carrots a hummus for me, we split a V8 and I got a chance to sit back and watch him roll down the hill before we left. His very brief nap was spent neglecting my duties (I thought I had more time, really) and cruising the net, I re-stumbled on a journal I had found shortly before our Apple switch* called Chronicles of Me, starring the lovely and multi-talented Boho Girl. I read her words and at once she is totally human and completely other-worldly. I lost myself in her world for about and hour and before I knew it my son was unhappily awake and I needed to get my "mom" on.

I got our two bedrooms cleaned up before the little guy started to lose it, quickly tidied everything else (leaving dishes, much to Andrew's disappointment - "Is that really *two* sinks full of dishes?" "No... uh... (looking over) yeah, it is."), made some tea and packed up the stroller for a trip to the playground. There my tiny two-year-old son amazed me by climbing a 5+ foot children's climbing wall to get to the big slide:


After mastering that feat he took on the amazing "invisible staircase"- a series of monkey bars that step up to the slide platform:


He was super chuffed about this feat and repeated it two more times before a tiny slip near the end freaked him out a bit and he decided he would rather hang out a little closer to solid ground:


Lastly, a photo of what I see when I look down these days (note my feet are already no-where in sight... in four months I will likely be as big as a beluga - note to self: avoid wearing white):


*my favourites are still stored in some digital void somewhere, I haven't bother finding them because it would mean sorting my too many links. After today, however, I think I might, there are many things i miss and I think Kelly Hogaboom (easy to find because of her memorable name) might begin to think I am stalking her (I am)

Seattle trip, the final three days in photos

Wednesday.

Sebastian was far more interested in the waterfall than the barely visible jaguar pacing the far side of the enclosure.
A very sleepy boo vegging out in front of the tube after a long day at the zoo (note sun-kissed cheeks, despite wide-brimmed hat and (admittedly only one) application of sun screen).

Thursday.

A post-lunch photo op with an old friend of mine (who I haven't seen in, oh, 20 years, but who has known me "since before [I] was born") - ps. I covet her office/studio space.

Andrew and Sebastian invented "poke the bottle cap" as we waited for our dinner.

Teaching my son not to talk with his mouth full (do as I say, dear, not as I do)


Friday.

"You call this food???""Seriously, Mom, even this plastic penguin won't touch it."

I can categorically say that Johnny Rockets was *not* a "blast".

Be a hero.{still taken from a video, 30 seconds of him giving me this look, I think it means "Why the fuck are we sitting in this car and when can I play in my sandbox? Oh, and would someone please turn off that fucking sun??" In my defence we do have tinting up in that window and he was wearing a hat - but I agree, driving sucks.}:


Stopped at a gas station, I asked Sebastian what was in Canada, apparently kids and his sandbox - and though he doesn't miss it he wants to go home.



Kate: Hey Sebastian, where are we going?
Sebastian: Canada, oh dad, you coming? (he had just gotten out to pump gas)
K: What's in Canada?
S: Kids Canada.
K: Yeah, there's kids (can you tell we have covered this point an awful lot? I realise I sounded a little bored), what else is in Canada?
S: a sandbox in Canada.
K: Do you miss Canada?
S: No.
K: Do you want to go home?
S: Yup.
K: You want to go back to Canada?
S: Yup.
K: Me too.

This is what happens to my normally cheerful kid when we wake him up from his nap to put him in a car for (at this point) an hour of driving. After stopping for dinner he was slightly more cheerful, though his mood didn't really lift until we pulled up in front of our house and he knew we really, really were HOME.

you came in with the breeze

Taken out our front window earlier this morning - you can't really tell, but the rain is beating down here.

As the torrential rains of this morning let up, revealing a fresh-smelling Sunday morning, I wave to my husband and son who are off to the Kerrisdale Play Palace and enjoy the quiet music coming out of my computer and a mostly-warm first cup of coffee.

My family will return to the smells of lunch cooking and a clean home, but before I dig in I will enjoy this bit of peace a little while longer. I have been really spoiled this weekend, yesterday morning they left me alone for nearly two whole hours and then I also got to go shopping kidless. Today they will be gone for about as much time, during which I will wash the few dishes from breakfast and last night's late-night red pepper roasting (it went well), I will then clean up Sebastian's room, putting away the toys Andrew brought in from outside and cleaned (how do so many toys make it out the door each week??), skipping much of the usual toy rotation because after our week away Boo seems to see his toys with more than the usual excitement. Later I will make the bed, tidy up and return to my clean kitchen to simultaneously make lunch (scrambled eggs) and dinner (pre-baking the pie crust for quiche and mixing the filling) - I realise we are having eggs twice today, but lunch was Andrew's request and I will happily indulge him. Before the fellas get home I might even be able to squeeze in a quick shower!

Things have been really awesome lately, the rottenness of the last month or so finally behind us. Andrew and I are getting along so much better and we are both relating better to our toddler son.

I have a bajillion updates to do, pictures from our trip to post and thoughts to share - but for now, the clock ticks and I must get on with it.

foodie me part deux (because everyone cares what we're eating)

continued from here

My groceries:

from that giant grocery store -
frozen peas
pie shells
yves ground "chicken"
doz. eggs
bread
2 cans six bean blend
bulk whole wheat spaghetti
6 little chive plants on clearance for $0.44 (that may or may not die)
shredded asiago
can chick peas
peppercorns
slivered almonds
stringing cheese
2 cans diced tomatoes
cream
soy milk

total: $39.06

from the neighbourhood market:

tahini
tomato paste
water chestnuts
frozen blueberries
leek
parsley
lettuce
5 apples
3 red peppers
green pepper
6 oranges
kale
bananas
garlic
white onion
yellow onion
red onion
tiny butternut squash
2 grapefruits
2 mangoes
4 avocados
4 lemons
2 limes
carrots
rice vinegar

total $39.70

grand total: $78.76

Recipes:
Saturday - Marylin's World Famous Beans and Rice, from the Ultimate Healthy Eating Plan and Kelly Hogaboom's Marinated Kale Salad to which I added shredded carrot and substituted a little tahini and roasted sunflower seeds for roasted sesame seeds. Both got rave reviews.

Sunday - We will be making something close to this Quiche aux Poivrons Rouge, Poireaux et Chèvre, but with our own twists, such as the addition of peas and the use of feta and asiago.

Monday - Kelly Hogaboom's amazing Mango and Avocado Salad with Candied Almonds. The bread is from my freezer, served with this hummus from allrecipes.com. Pepper roasting how-to from allrecipes.com.

Tuesday - Leftovers inside these tortillas from recipezaar.com with fresh veggies and some cheese.

Wednesday - A simple tomato sauce:
1 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 onion - diced
2 cloves garlic – minced
1 can tomatoes
1/2 can tomato paste
fresh basil (etc)

1. sauté onion in olive oil
2. add garlic, sauté until lightly browned
3. add tomatoes and bring to a boil
4. add basil, turn down heat and let simmer until ready to serve

Pita chips - quarter pita bread, brush or spray with olive oil, sprinkle with choice of herbs, place on baking tray in oven on about 350F until they start to get crispy, turn over and cook until they are desired crispyness. I like mine a little soft, if you like yours "chippier" use more oil and cook until brown.

Thursday - simple stir-fry over rice vermicelli with dipping tofu ala Hogaboom. My dipping sauce: 1/4 cup peanut butter, 2 Tbs hoisin sauce, 1 Tbsp brown sugar, 2 tsp rice vinegar, 1 Tbsp soy sauce, 1 clove minced garlic, 2+ tsp minced or grated ginger, 1/2 - 1 Tbsp sesame oil, 2+ Tbsp water (to desired consistency). The recipe I adapted this from told me to boil it, I never have, I either mix by hand or if I am making a big batch, put it in the blender and serve cold. The measurements are approximate because I usually just make it from memory and taste it often. I take a portion of this out for Sebastian and then add garlic chili sauce to taste (Andrew refers to it as "cock sauce" because of the rooster on the bottle).

Friday - My version of Butternut Squash Risotto from my friend Heather who lived in the UK for a bit and so the original recipe says things like "tinned tomatoes" which I just adore, I was going to keep that in when I typed out my version, but I thought it might come across as mocking, so I didn't.

This risotto is easy to adjust for whatever veggies you have on hand and whatever flavour experience you feel like, add things like carrots, peas, broccoli, roasted peppers and anything else your family will eat. For a protein boost, add tofu, tvp, veggie “meat” or real meat when you’re sautéing the onions.

1 Tbsp oil (olive oil or butter have both worked well in my experience)
1/2 cup onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
2/3 cup rice (any kind will do, but tougher rices, like brown rice, will become less mushy)
2 cup water (plus extra as needed)
5 oz butternut squash, peeled and diced
8 or 10 oz can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup cheese, grated (any kind will work, edam is my personal favourite and cheddar is always kid-friendly)
1/2 Tbsp + spice, depending on what vegetables and protein you are using you can add: dill with a little lemon, parsley, basil, or anything else you enjoy

1. melt butter/heat oil in pot, add onion (and any other additions), sauté until onion is translucent
2. add rice, coat well with oil, cook 1-2 minutes
3. add 2 cups water, cover and leave for 8 minutes
4. add in squash, cook another 5-10 minutes until soft. Add more water if necessary
5. stir in tomatoes and cheese, season to taste.

done like dinner

It is damn hot out. We had dinner on the beach last Tuesday -




Holy crap spring has flown by, it was already roasting out at 9:00am when we walked to the park (stupidly stopping for a hot coffee that ended up mostly un-drunk). I ran into the mother of one of the only two Sebastian's I have met since my son's birth - she has two little boys and Sebastian fit right in with them. She and I slipped easily into causal conversation - casual stuff like the weather (hot) and the playground (empty save for our three) and our families. Sebastian, having refused everything offered for breakfast, quickly got both tired and over-stimulated. He slipped back into that horrid beligerent-toddler mode and I decided we would best to leave (I was also getting hot and needed to pee - and was quickly turning into "yelling mom").

After a snack/early lunch (a nectarine that had earlier been refused, pb&j and a glass of milk) we played around for a little bit and the child took a header out the window of his "recycle-house" - a house made out of the box from his stroller - and a crap (simultaneously?). We went to the bathroom, assessed the damage, found it to be not-life-threatening and read a book.

During his nap I opened the mail and found *TWO* good bits - one, a letter from the credit card company apologising for fucking up my last payment (and giving me a heart attack) and vowing to put it all right again, the other was a bunch of stuff I got with the airmiles we both forgot we collected. I "bought" two passes to the aquarium, two two-for-one movie passes to subsidise my new passtime and a ticket up to the top of the Harbour Centre tower (spinning glassed-in deal that I will hate - ugh, heights - and Sebastian will LOVE).

We were originally planning on going to the aquarium this weekend but might go to the dump instead. I am actually really curious about trash and recycling now (since finding out about Sarah McGaughey and Kyle Glover’s no more trash project) and would love to see what steps are being taken by the city to deal with the trash produced.

Also during his nap I made a yummy sweet potato and red lentil soup that would later be served with cheese sandwiches and followed by popsicles. I skipped the library, even though we have stuff due, so will have to take care of it tomorrow (note to self - where the hell is Raffi?) - Andrew gets paid tomorrow so I will have to make some kind of a budget before we blow it all on hats. I am going to attepmt to once again hold us to a foodplan ala Hogaboom - we really neeed to get on that. And the worst part? Totally my fault. What may help this time would be including Andrew in both the meal planning and the meal preparing. We'll hit the farmer's market on Saturday morning with a specific list... I hope.

In other news, I had an ultrasound yesterday - bummed out that this kid is pulling the same modest baby thing Sebastian did at his mid-pregnancy ultrasound. So, we still don't know if it is a boy or a girl (not that is matters, right?) - I think I may have stepped over a line when I said to the little bean "come on, baby, open up your legs for mama," it certainly didn't do any good as the little prude kept its legs tightly shut. As far as we can tell everything looked normal (no gasps of alarm, there were two arms, two legs and a head... I suppose we'll find out when my midwife gets the results) and it was another dose of reality for me.

It has been yet another helluva week and I am starting to get the feeling that's just how my life is now - not so bad, but I should start getting more sleep so I can keep up. It is 9:30 now and immediately after this line I am going to get me a back rub and hit the hay.

sunday already?

What a fun, quick week we had!

Not that things have been all fun and games, Andrew and I are still a little "off" around each-other. It has gotten loads better but I think we are just trying to feel out how to relate to one another better as we also settle into this short phase of our lives (pregnant and parenting a toddler).

I have talked a bit before about how I have been feeling lazy, lazy about cooking and housework, lazy about parenting and rules, lazy about just about everything. And it hit me last night that this profound laziness is what has been making me so profoundly (though thankfully, fleetingly) miserable. And it wasn't until I started *not* being lazy that I really got it. I would experience these periods of contentment, excitement and even, dare I say it, happiness. Not just fleeting moments, but hours, even days!

I also began to hold my head up higher, feel more confident and social, and to see what needed to be done in order to return order to my life. All of this while getting out, both with kid and without, doing fun and productive things and even getting some laziness in.

Tuesday I exchanged the stroller - I really do love the new one!


I did fail to mention in that entry that dinner caused another "fight" - though I realise now that I have been very difficult lately. I blame pregnancy, and it is definitely the mitigating factor, BUT I am also adult enough to handle myself better in situations like that. We ended up getting rolls from the vietnamese place down the street and eating those with leftover veggie burgers. I think the main issue I am having right now is I don't want to cook, nor do I want to choose food because I keep not enjoying the things I choose to make/order. What I *want* is for my husband to be able to magically pick the perfect meal for me and exclude me from the preparation. But that is a) impossible and b) not actually likely to make me any happier - I miss cooking.

Wednesday we had to go to the laundromat, which I routinely bitch about, but usually turns out to be fun (as long as we get out before the breakdown) and afterwards, even though I couldn't get Sebastian to take a nap (as much as he needed one), I did get him to play quietly in his room for almost an hour. I spent the afternoon emptying out all the boxes and crap from our bedroom and reclaiming that space. It had gotten so crowded and miserable in there I wasn't even sleeping well. I piled the boxes onto the couch because I knew that way they would get unpacked quickly.

Thursday gets its own entry because it was such an awesome, fun day!

Friday was much quieter, coffee and the park in the morning and a trip to Granville Island in the afternoon. Sebastian played at the water park for a while, perhaps sharing a little less well on this day, but having a ball showing everyone he could find the toy he had found. It was one of those deals where you pour water in the top and it makes baskets and wheels turn. I think one of these may be in our future, he really enjoyed exploring the cause/effect relationship and especially enjoyed showing it off.

We grabbed some food for dinner and came home, I prepared a dinner I would ultimately end up not eating and fed Sebastian cheese on toast, grapes and dry cereal for dinner while we watched the Muppet Show (with Debbie Harry). It was about this point I realised that when Andrew said he would be staying for beer and cake at work he did not mean he would stay for an hour and then come home, but instead would be staying until he got tired. This is not something I look down on or would get pissed about - it just took me by surprise. "Oh, hey, my husband would also like some time outside of the house with friends?"

I am proud to say I successfully put Sebastian down for both a nap and to sleep on Friday - all. by. myself. - really really. By the time he was down I cleaned up, did dishes, put toys away - all the things I expect Andrew to do while I am out yet rarely do when I am home. It felt good. I then made myself a HUGE salad and some tea and watched an episode of Arrested Development in bed (someone needs to get me season three so I can stop memorizing entire episodes of season two - season one is on loan to one of my sisters).

Andrew locked himself out - thank goodness for late-night pot-smoking neighbours with phones!

Saturday was a great family day - we went to the beach, home for lunch, long nap taken by the boys while I made some killer (and totally impromptu) chili, and a nice dinner. Sebastian went down well, we have been trying something new - we have been working on getting him to fall asleep by himself, Andrew has a better hang of it than I do - and so far it only works for night-time - essentially we just keep telling him we will be right back and leave for increasingly long periods (sounds Ferber but is actually from the No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers and preschoolers). I thought I had done it Friday night but he woke up in a panic 15 minutes after I was convinced he was asleep and I stayed with him while he went to sleep - selfishly because I didn't feel like spending the rest of my night in and out of his room. After talking with Andrew today I think I know where I went wrong (stayed too long in between leaving - there is a system to this) so I will try again next week.

We watched Children of Men and were both really impressed. Really, really impressed.

Today was chore day - unpacked all but two boxes and the boys took the recycling to the recycling centre so I could vacuum (Sebastian hates it). But my mom called and I got sidetracked and our home remains un-vacuumed. I think I will just do it tomorrow morning and hope for the best.

And that, in a nutshell, was our week.

my amazing (amazingly easy) salsa recipe

because I really do make awesome salsa - and you can too!

You'll need:

- some nice red tomatoes* - enough to equal the volume of salsa you want**
- one average white or red onion
- a jalapeno
- some cilantro
- a lime or two
- salt
- and any additions, like avocado, beans, corn, pineapple or mango

You'll do:

1) cut the tomatoes into quarters and get rid of the cores and all the oogy bits - your salsa will be plenty wet without all that snot. Dice em up and toss them in the bowl you'll be serving in.

2) chop up about half the onion - you're aiming for a 2:1-3:1 tomato to onion ratio. Sprinkle on some salt, not much - about the amount you would put on your dinner. Be conservative, you can add more later.

3) carefully cut the jalapeno length-wise and seed it - throw out the seeds... do not touch your eyes or pick your nose after this step... it will hurt like hell. Chop one half (or less) and add to salsa bowl. If you are unsure how spicy you would like it, just add a little bit now and save the rest to add later.

4) chop up a small handful of cilantro, try not to swear too much, add to salsa a bit at a time, stirring, until it "looks right."

5) wash your limes (especially if non-organic) and add the zest of one to the bowl. Then cut in half and add the juice to the mix - watch those seeds! Hang onto lime number two - you may need it or you may end up using it with your drinks.

6) taste. Add salt, lemon juice and jalapenos as necessary.

7) (aka. the hard part) let it sit in the fridge for as long as you can. The salsa tastes best on day two - but can, if necessary, be eaten immediately. It will keep in the fridge, wrapped, for about four days.

This is best served with que pasa chips, because they are the best.

Variations:

Add any combination of pineapple, mango, corn, beans, and avocado*** - in an amount about equal to the onions, though more has never hurt it. Our favourite is salsa with avocado and mango. I will often serve original salsa on night #1 and use the left over salsa with some additions to eat with chips or leftovers the next day.


* I prefer the ones "on the vine" or plain old romas... but as long as they are red and not too big they'll work well
** for my family, with two very serious salsa eaters, I use three smaller tomatoes for one day's worth - ie. one meal or one plate of nachos
*** when adding avocado you will shorten the life-span of this dip, adding more lime juice will help keep it from turning prematurely brown, but this is best served within 24 hours. You can also make the salsa in advance and add avocado shortly before serving.

while I'm procrastinating, I might as well write something rambly

Sebastian just went down for a late nap - having been kept awake by his mama's need to buy dinner fixings (I know he would have been happier if I had let him nap and tossed a box of mac and cheese together for dinner). But I save those for real emergencies (and days when we haven't already had hot dogs for lunch). Dinner tonight will be a feta and asparagus frittata. I amsupposed to avoid all but hot, cooked feta while pregnant - and yet have been craving it like MAD, so this is my comprimise. We had eggs last night too, because until we get paid tomorrow there's something like NO money in the bank. Thankfully I stashed a carton of eggs away earlier in the week and veggies for dinner were cheap (though I had to split a $9 bill between cash and debit - how embarassing). We also have half a bottle of half and half in the fridge that will go bad in a couple of days. I buy the smallest bottle I can for my almost daily coffees and always end up having to find a use for half of it at the end of the week.

On a related note - I have found the joy of organic, fair trade *bulk* coffee. I can buy enough for the week for less than two americanos and with my new grinder can measure precicely enough to make two cups of coffee. And my hand-me-down coffee maker, while missing the handle, does have a thermos-brand carafe - so when I get back to that second cup in that afternoon it is still hot! ...speaking of...

So, I am in a wicked-good mood today. This morning, Sebastian and I went to the nearby family centre for their drop-in program. This is set up much like the family place we went to when living in New West - but bigger and better, and best of all, still FREE. They only ask that you bring fruit to share at snack time. Sebastian played so nicely I was able to sneak off and sit in on a discussion about healthy snacks in the "parent's room" before story time. Sebastian was reasonable well behaved during story and song time - he shared his book well, but was pissed when they took the books away for a group story. But, thankfully, he sat on my lap nicely for two whole books before song time. He LOVED the song about elephants playing on a spiderweb (Sharon, Lois and Bram, I think) but wasn't digging the wheels on the bus.

There were two incidents where I thought we might have to take off, but the staff were great and came over and made him laugh while singing and doing their actions. We then had a snack of fresh magoes, banana, orange and apple - a bona-fide hit! And got to go play outside in the fenced-off basketball courts with a variety of trikes and cars. When that got dull Sebastian went to the playground and was amazing about waiting his turn and sharing (right up until it was time to leave, but promises of lunch helped sidestep that tantrum).

Other things I loved - I talked to not one, but TWO awesome, friendly mums, I spilled coffee down my clean, white shirt and didn't feel overly self-concious about it, next week we're going to Science World as a group and it will only cost me $5 (reg: $16) plus bus fare, and the place is within walking distance.

We then went to the library and signed up for library cards (I had to wait to get something sent to the new address before I could sign up). Sebastian was good there until it came time to look for books for mama... thankfully I found what I was looking for fairly quickly (some of the same pregnancy books I had used last time and some back-issues of mothering mag) and the yelling was kept to a minimum. Lunch was next - hot dogs all around! We then had a parcel and dinner fixings to pick up before heading home. If I hadn't put him down at the market, he likely would have fallen asleep on my shoulder - but I let him roam free and that was it for any sleepyness. We came home to find *another* parcel at the door! This one was addressed to me and had been shipped via UPS... a mystery.

We came in, opened the package from Andrew's parents to find gifts from their recent trip to England. Sebastian is the proud owner of an official England soccer uniform - complete with socks and a new Thomas the Tank sun-hat. Lucky kid! Andrew and I both got some sweet trinkets, including a beautiful picture frame and a cheesy, but cute "World's Greatest Computer Whizz" mug for Andrew (I wonder what the extra "z" is for).

The other parcel?It was my birthday gift from my mum and step-dad, a new CAMERA!!! It is a tiny and awesome Canon SD600 that I will love and cherish and use often. I have been wanting a little point and shoot camera for years - hating to lug around Andrew's massive Kodak. Especially hating the shots missed because I hadn't had the forthought, or room, to bring it. Now this can just go everywhere with me. I love it. I have never loved an object as much as I love this camera.

I wish I had known years ago that when people ask what you want for your birthday and you *tell* them - they'll actually get you that thing (as long as it is reasonable). I hate putting people out and asking for anything, so this is a lesson I am just now learning. But it makes lives a little easier and I only ask for things that I wouldn't buy myself and only for things I think are reasonable. And I really never expect anything from anyone (though I *love* getting presents!!), not because I don't think I deserve anything (that might be a part of it) but because I really don't think anyone should feel obligated to get me anything. In recent years I have extended that to both my husband and my parents, I am so blessed just to have wonderful people in my life - I don't actually need presents. This also means that when I do ask for things I like them to be sensible and useful (like the vacuum I got for my birthday or christmas from my mom a few years back - and the gardening tools). They are both things that I still use today and when I do (especially my beautiful Lee Valley tools) I think fondly of the gift-giver.

The little things that I am hoping to get for my birthday this year? A new Moleskine journal, subscriptions to Mothering Magazine and/or Brain, Child, and anything that was made (or purchased) with thoughtfulness. Books are also aweosme... I assume you're all taking notes.

Actually, by combining my brithday and wedding anniversary into an afternoon picnic, I hope that no-one feels obligated to get me anything. I really hate feeling like people feel like they might "need" to do anything for me. Except show up.

sunshine and daydreams

The sun came out and we spent the bulk of our day finishing our move. If all goes as planned we will be completely moved (including cleaning and painting the old place - which we are painting because Sebastian used the walls as his personal canvasses on more than one occasion) by the end of tonight.

Andrew and I split duties well today - in the morning Sebastian and I cleaned and played at the old place while Andrew brought a car-load of stuff to the new house; in the afternoon Andrew and Sebastian washed the car and Sebastian napped briefly while I did the down and dirty cleaning (like behind the oven... EW). At about 3:30 we were done all but the painting. We came home and decided that rather than unload the car we would play on the lawn - *our* lawn.

I am so in love with our new place - even while I am surrounded by mountains of unpacking and facing drawbacks like no storage (wasn't a problem until we got the christmas tree and camping gear in the house... now we have some serious thinking to do). We can tell Sebastian loves it too - he has all but forgotten about watching TV and will now happily play on his own while I get mama things done.

I have actually lost some weight since my last weighing ("officially" 239 last month w/ my midwife, but was generally hovering around 237). This week I got my trusty scale from the old place and excitedly stepped on only to be shocked when the digital readout told me I had plummeted to 230. I checked it four times - twice in a different room - and kept getting the same number. Now I needed to remind myself it was early morning and I had yet to eat or drink anything - nor was I clothed, I went back this evening and got a much less worrisome 235. I don't really worry about not gaining any weight this pregnancy because I am a) already "above average" and b) know I am eating good food, but a loss of nearly 10 pounds at this point (15 weeks) frightened me a little.

After stepping back and assessing things I have decided, however, not to worry one bit. I will continue to eat well and perhaps add a healthy snack, like the banana, bran and soygurt I just consumed, and take care of myself and trust that if anything is out of balance my body will let me know. I have been walking WAY more - an average of 30 minutes/day compared to... almost nothing, so I have a feeling that is a factor in all this. I feel fantastic! We've been going to the park (two blocks from a great coffee shop), we've been walking to the store, we've been playing and running and having such a great time. Sebastian's behaviour is still challenging, he is a spirited and stubborn child. He is fucking brilliant which is a blessing and a curse, he is so good at communicating what he needs/wants that when he does have difficulty it is traumatic. I am learning (finally) how to read when he is tired or hungry and how to behave when those factors are getting in our way.

It is odd to me - he and I are so close and had this fluid, effortless relationship for so long and when we lost that I had trouble adapting. Actually this whole last year has been a series of painful adaptations. I got to a point where I just gave up, why bother trying when everything was always changing. I hadn't begun to find my community yet, I was lost and lonely and depressed. We were always out trying new things, trying to find "our thing" and the pace of that really got to both of us.

This time around (as we have just moved away from our old thing and I am not willing to make the commute one or twice a week to get back there) I am going to take the search more slowly. It is spring now and the sunny days are coming more often - we're going to spend time at the beach (35 mins by bus), going on adventures (the farm, the aquarium, the pool) and otherwise we're going to hit the nearby parks and meet as many other families as we can nearby, so that when the rains return we will have all the playdates we could need. And if nothing else Sebastian and I plan to have a blast this summer as it will be our last as a duo.

My point is this time, with this change being as permanent as we can foresee, I am being more patient with Sebastian and am being rewarded with the gift of being able to better understand him. Andrew and I haven't been getting along nearly as well, but we're trying - and that's a step. I am being a pain-in-the-ass pregnant mother and he's being a pain-in-the-ass husband of a pregnant mother. I am hoping that once we're settled in things will even out. I have to work harder at not being a raging bitch - he very wisely walked away from a completely irrational argument over a lack of hot water and who had the right to shower. We then spoiled ourselves with a dinner from Capers (I would kill to eat their soup and salad every night); uncovered Sebastian's hidden love of quiche (YAY) and his distaste for pakoras.

On the potty front - we've not had a second success, but brought over his toilet seat ring from the old house tonight and he got a real kick out of sitting on it! He's so excited about the prospect of being out of diapers and now just needs to get past the learning curve. I am not pushing it on him - he'll be trained eventually, it looks like sooner rather than later, and I want to do what I can to keep this a positive and exciting experience for him.

Enough blathering - I need some tea and my bed. (Sometimes when writing I think of the Monty Python philosophy - if you don't know how to end a skit just blow something up. I wish I could figure out a clever way to do that with prose. Until then I will have to settle for the occasional, abrupt, enough-is-enough ending and tonight I give you one of those.)

*boom*