Tuesday, September 2

to work or not to work - that's the question

Noodle at the Aquarium:

I interviewed for a job today, a *real* job in an office and everything... an office I love, with people I like (and a couple I love), doing a job that is almost tailor-made for me... but, it would mean leaving my children in someone else's care, losing most of my freedom, and possibly working myself to overwhelm and then resenting my job and/or my kids.

It also would mean a bit more money - but most of that would be needed to off-set childcare costs... but, the job would be cool and get me some experience outside of retail while I'm still relatively young (as in <35; not that I think 35 is old, but when all you have on your resume at 35 is a series of retail positions, I think it is much more difficult to break into something deeper). Plus, it is a temporary position (maternity leave), so at the end of it I will get laid off and will have worked the 600 hours necessary to claim EI, so I could get a little money when I go back to being an at-home mom.

But, I have this nagging feeling that it isn't the right move. I really want to get my store off the ground (which is starting to sound like "my band is about to make it big," and I really don't want to miss any of this time with my children. A woman on the bus was telling me stories today about when her adult children were wee, and she got all misty and sentimental. Her final words were "Cherish their youth, they grow up too fast." Which struck me as strange since I was on my way to a job interview. Yes, I am one of those people who sees signs everywhere, and while I have no logical reason to turn down the position, all the signs I see tell me to....

But then what? I'll be mighty miserable if I keep on like this - with all the frustration and resentment, caught in my inertia, feeling like a downtrodden housewife. And, if I have already decided I could work if I wanted to, does that mean I could work on what I wanted to? Maybe I don't have someone watch my kids every day, but instead trade sitting time, or beg my friends and family to watch the kids regularly, or barter some kind of deal with someone that takes into account that we really don't have any money to spare. Any ideas??

Sorry for the blather, folks, lots a-stewing up in the ol' noggin.

1 comment:

Freya said...

On the store start up issue, have you considered applying to one of the small business start up things EI offers? You qualify for them as long as you are unemployed and have been on maternity leave within the last five years. They pay you $1200 a month for 48 weeks, and you get 10 weeks of entrepreneurship training plus mentoring/offices etc. My 1/2 sister's mom did it and it was a great experience for her. If i see you at Joelle's tomorrow I'll get you up to speed :-)