In order to stage an effective relapse, there are a few steps that will always help. First, get your whole family sick - seasonal allergies are a good start, but if you can add in a mystery cold you're golden. Next, be sure your youngest is teething, add in some vague parental stress, a milestone birthday, a spazzy laptop, a new and less comfy bed, and a long list of commitments desperately requiring follow-through. Then, slowly and methodically abandon and alienate people until you have no excuse to leave the house, make sure your therapy sessions have ended (don't go find a new therapist - that would wreck everything). Miss group therapy two weeks in a row. Replace all meals with fast food. Drain bank account.
Yes, to all of those out there who have been wondering and worrying, things have been a wee bit fucked up lately. The good news? I've been doing what my friend Sean called "taking pictures along the way" - I have been conscious and present throughout this fiasco and I am learning a lot through trial and error. I just wish making mistakes didn't sting so much. And I wish I could go off the sanity wagon without collateral damage. But I am optimistic that each time this happens I will be more resilient and less reckless.
I am making no promises right now - it is time for me to do some more work on me and my life. And before getting started there are a few things I really need to get off my plate, I am dedicating my free time this week to the things that need doing.