what made this year different

It is barely a secret that I am a holiday hater. Before having kids, Andrew and I already decided not to try on New Year's, given that it usually ended in disappointment and tears. We gave it another shot and hosted a party our first year in Vancouver, but it was a mess of burnt fondue, screaming babies and trivial pursuit (which is a game that you should only ever play with people you already hate).

With all the other stuff going on here, I had cynically hoped to similarly turn Christmas into a non-event. This stance was the basis for a series of long, loud, deep and eventually enlightening debates between my husband and I. It came to be that we agreed that this should be a holiday filled with love, family and cheer. We also agreed that most of the typical Christmas crapification could be left in the hands of other people (before you worry, oh friends and family, I am not referring to any of you - I am thinking about the people with loads of gaudy lights and inflatable Santas and piles off throw-away gifts laying under the tree). We could not quite get on the same page as far as rules on gifts for our kids from other people, but looking back, we had nothing to worry about.

As it happened, I didn't worry much about Christmas. I didn't want to spend a lot of time away from home and risk falling too far out of the new positive routines that are finally becoming natural, so I was a bit of an ass and insisted our visit to Vancouver Island be short (I was talked into staying overnight - and am really glad we did!). But once that was done, I didn't worry about it. Gifts were the same, the few I had to buy on behalf of others were well thought-out and my shopping trip was short and not too costly. Stocking stuffers came from a swap I did among a group of mothers for our kids, plus a few I purchased (bath bombs, a mini rolling pin, a harmonica, a tiny kaleidoscope and a colouring book), and a couple things from the grandparents and Sebastian's aunt and uncle.

We'd told people we didn't need anything, nor did we expect anything, but that if they wanted there were a few things we would appreciate. My list was nearly all books, so I now have four books I am eager to devour. Andrew got a t-shirt that lights up near wireless networks and some much-appreciated movies. We will likely refer to this as the year of Thomas as time goes on - Sebastian made out well and got a whole bunch of Thomas the Tank toys. But, he didn't get heaps and heaps of stuff - he got enough to justify a good toy-cull, but all of it is stuff he will play with and stuff that requires using his imagination, including a pooping pig - a stocking gift from his Aunt that he LOVES, and I will sheepishly admit I love it too! It is hilarious, it poops jelly beans (which were confiscated before he got a chance to figure out they were made of sugar) and you fill it through it's flip-down head. Rigby got a lot of clothes and a few toys, a pretty typical first Christmas haul.

Family and friends respecting our limits, plus a little alcohol, helped the holidays go smoothly, but the chief thing that made these holidays not just bearable, but my best so far as an adult, was effort and willingness on the part of myself and my family to let things just be what they were. And they were.

highs and lows

first a grand happy holidays!

To catch up on the blur that was December I won't bore you (or push my luck) by writing a long-assed update, instead here's a rundown of the highs and lows:

+ Christmas went really well
- Sebastian woke up at 11:30pm with a croupy cough.
+ This is his first really terrible cough, ever.
- The stomach flu we all got a week and a half ago.
+ I still got all my holiday baking done and it looked awesome!
- The package my mom sent us seems to be AWOL.
+ Eggnog is awesome with rum.
+ Same goes for Bailey's and coffee.
+ Time to finish this list (finally) while Andrew and Sebastian play with trains and while Rigby naps.
- Andrew goes back to work tomorrow for 2-5 8-12 hour days.
+ He gets all of next week off and if he works over the weekend, he also gets some killer overtime.
- We did really well, but still overspent at Christmas (how???).
+ Not shopping on Boxing Day.
- Not having any money to shop on Boxing Day.
+ Xmas in Frisco on SomaFM on iTunes - "not for the easily offended". Right now it is playing Merry Muthaphuckin' X-mas by Easy-e.
+ We all slept in this morning.
+ Tonight, when the kids are tucked in, Andrew and I will curl up with spiked egg nog and finish watching Papillon. If we don't pass out we will then start watching the original Thomas Crown Affair.
+ I have a crush on Steve McQueen.
+ Sometime soon, the final gift from my dad to my husband will arrive (seasons 2&3 of this) and we will spend many nights watching hot 70's ass.


And finally, a video that brings together the Prez and John Lennon with creepy results. There is one clip in particular that makes me cry every time I watch it.



special thanks to Shauna and idolator

"would it be uncouth for my water to break on the steps of the Vancouver Club?"

Dinner at the fancy-pants club was fantastic! Everyone looked great and we were all on our best behaviour. I would have photos but in my pregnant state forgot to change the battery on my camera. The photo above is of the room we ate in... pretty fucking surreal. Sebastian was one of many young children in attendance and was amazingly well-behaved despite missing his afternoon nap. I enjoyed myself immensely, even though I was a little concerned that what I was writing off as false labour (that lasted the entire evening) might be more serious... turns out my gut was right and not just drunk off of turkey juice. Either way I was not about to let it stop me from gorging myself on everything in sight, I figured if it turned out to really be labour at least I would have eaten well beforehand.

The food was incredible - every single kind of holiday food you could imagine, plus a dessert table that included the requisite chocolate fountain. The homemade pumpkin pie lived up to the hype and was even served with fresh whipped cream... then there were the mini creme brulees, delicate chocolate mousse cups, raspberry tarts, something rich, unidentifiable and smothered in blueberries, and the heaps and heaps of stuff I did not have the pants space to try. While I doubt it will ever replace our traditional holiday dinners - where we gather around a meal where something has been burnt, something forgotten and always something spilled, traditional meals where the talk flows easily and comfortably and the distraction of a giant television screen is nearby - this holiday dinner was the perfect solution to our current state of familial upheaval.

My father takes possession of his new home next week and his normally impeccable abode is strewn with the detritus of moving and packing, Andrew's parents have only enough time in their new house to begin the long process of unpacking, and we, among other things, have been the somewhat reluctant* recipients of the excess of both moves.

I would, however, happily play the part of privileged daughter once or twice a year if it meant eating like that again...

*we *love* the shelving unit Andrew's parents have passed down to us - the energy and time it took to switch from our old furniture to the new, however, has left me frazzled and sore. But it is up, it is full, and on the bright side we sorted through some stuff that has been sitting since our own move last April.

a glorious little space for little people

This morning we checked out a café/diner we have been itching to go to for a couple months. Little Nest is tucked away just off the Drive, up Charles; walking up to the front door, I admit I was a little bit overwhelmed. The place is noisy and at 10:30 on a Sunday morning, packed with people. Their debit machine was either not functioning or non-existent, not a problem for us on most days (Andrew and I try to only deal in cash anyways) but our brunch guests did need to find the nearest bank machine.

Sebastian felt right at home in the large and well-stocked play area. He found a great vintage-looking wind-up train and an old Fisher-Price airport and plane. Our group of 6+1 took up one end of the large centre table, a substantial vintage wood table painted the colour of a pale robin’s egg. When our food came Sebastian sat in one of those fantastic old highchairs with the Formica trays. Our food was delicious, I chose the very simple Two Eggs with Soldiers – two boiled eggs with strips of hearty brown bread. Sebastian loved his Kid’s French Toast, but also insisted on having one of my eggs (minus the yolk, which we all know is the best part!), Andrew and Molly both ordered the Potato Frittata, which came with a salad, only one of them noticed that the dish had sausage in it – Andrew says that it was awesome anyways, but will remember to omit the meat next time. Casey had a fresh-baked almond muffin and Amy and Nancy both ordered the Pancetta Scrambled Eggs, which looked and smelled like heaven*.

I found the egg-shaped salt and pepper shakers really charming, and the fact that they use local ingredients, including only cooking organic, free-range eggs, very reassuring. The Little Nest staff is friendly and hard working, I have heard complaints about the service from other parents, but didn’t find the wait for our food terrible. The only one among us who might have kicked up a fuss in any other place was reluctant to stop what he was doing to come eat once the food did arrive. I like the order the front, have your food brought to your table set-up they have, but the resulting line-up – coupled with a lack of tables – did make us nearly turn-away.

The din, while constant, was not as overwhelming as it felt when we first walked in – the high ceilings allowed for decent acoustics and we were able to maintain a comfortable conversation. I see Little Nest working through some growing pains to become the ideal place to bring your kids for a bite. My only suggestion would be to get a gate or half-door for the front. We saw one frazzled mother drop her food repeatedly to chase her feisty pre-schooler as he made his way out the front door. I could very easily see myself in her runners. I was also a little warm in there for my liking – but I think that will sort itself out soon.

Review on Urban Diner

*cast of characters: Amy - my 21-year-old half-sister, visiting from Calgary, Molly - my 14-year-old half-sister, Casey - my 16-year-old half-sister, and Nancy-my (ex)step-mother, mother to Casey and Molly.

Happy Canada Day

With all the long nights and frustrating days this past week has brought it is awesome to be enjoying a wonderful day with my family. This morning our plan was to take the bus downtown and hit up the Canada Day celebrations at Canada place - one look at the mega-packed bus made us re-think the value of leaving the car at home. We decided to take a chance and brought the car in, we payed way too much for parking (which is why we are sitting at his office right now instead of at home - that and we have a monstrous pile of dishes and laundry waiting at home, here we have cold drinks - , air conditioning, a great view and a giant TV) and met my dad for a great walk around enjoying the festivities.

We very briefly popped into the "kid's adventure zone" which was a room full of bouncy castles and disco lights. It felt like a pint-sized rave, without music or drugs - we left without "enjoying" a single ride.

Outside we found big boats and some cheesy kid's music as well as flags and tattoos and many many lineups for free samples at various booths. Five minutes in line for a cup of yogurt or crystal light? No thanks!

Sebastian had his photo taken by a Canada Place photog and it may appear in next year's brochure.

After our break we are either going to head back down to the party or head home - obviously my vote is to not go home, only because I really *really* don't want to do any work, but realistically it will have to get done soon and we should all get a little siesta in before we head back down here tonight to watch the fireworks. Normally I would just stick Sebastian in the stroller and suggest we walk around until he passes out - but with all the music and noise I can't quite convince myself that would actually happen. I think I will leave the final decision to Andrew, because I'm mean like that.

"check my new tatty!"


my three favourite men -


eating on the edge

why Andrew has the best office ever - thankfully Sebastian doesn't play video games yet, otherwise we would never, ever leave -


playing on the white-board with dad -


the insanity, as seen from above -


more of the same -

so sweet it hurts

We had a lovely, productive day today that included an oil change, the purchase of some new plants for the garden (sunflower, basil, two cucumbers and sage), a haircut for the mister, an hour and a half at Andrew's office (specifically the foosball table equipped lunchroom) while he dealt with an issue, a trip to the market and a simple, but enjoyable dinner (soup, salad and sandwiches). A nap was attempted, but ultimately sabotaged when I insisted we move him from the car to the more eco-friendly stroller, my mistake lay not in the move itself, but I then brought him into a noisy, crowded mega-store. Thankfully our near constant activity kept him in good spirits and he is now off to sleep with Andrew.

Tomorrow's father's day plans are set and the only secret surprise is that I am going to let Andrew decide in the morning whether or not he would like to join us. The alternative being a rare opportunity to stay in bed for a few hours. I know he will enjoy whichever one he chooses and am choosing to wait until tomorrow to ask him, as he will be more likely at that point to be realistic about what he wants without worrying about what I might want him to say*.

A follow-up to this morning's entry: Sebastian pooped in the toilet!!! He asked for a diaper, Andrew put him on the potty and after a couple of books he dropped a nugget... we were all dancing and high-fiving and there may have even been some hootin' and hollerin'.

I am continuing to read The Mother of all Toddler Books, and loving it. I hit a point in the discipline chapter this afternoon that talked about ten effective methods of discipline - prevent problems from occurring in the first place, find creative alternatives to saying no, offer a substitute, offer a distraction, give your toddler the opportunity to make choices, allow your toddler to experience the natural consequences of his actions, master the art of selective ignoring, be generous with your praise, discipline your child verbally (as opposed to non-violent but physical - ie. physically removing a child from a situation), and give your child a time out - and then listed three that don't work very well - threatened abandonment, bargaining, and spanking - I can happily say we use many from the first list , but am also sad to say we often use two of the three from the last list. Thankfully, we get the chance to change our own behaviours.

I am hoping that our trip this week will give me some time to formulate a "plan" with Andrew - start talking about what our discipline toolbox will include and what we will work to stop doing. It feels odd to me to actually have to work at this - I don't have a clue why I didn't think I would ever need to, but I have to admit that I thought I would just "be a natural."

*Andrew, if you read this later I would like you to know that I really am cool with either response - on one hand you are far more into botanical crap than I am and will likely enjoy taking pictures of the flowers, on the other you deserve a night in. As far as I am concerned, with my sisters along, I have no "need" for you along. I have Sebastian-supervision well covered and the timing of our trip means he will be sunshine and daisies anyways.

22 weeks and counting - or what would you do for an extra 20 minutes in bed?

Lately I have still been feeling overwhelmed, but also feeling much more on top of things. My family continues to be well fed, eating primarily home-cooked meals and enjoying each-other's company.

Baby's first tattoo:


I have been reading The Mother of all Toddler Books by my favourite parenting author, Ann Douglas. I deserve a slap on the head for not picking this up earlier, I purchased both her pregnancy and baby books while entrenched in those periods and found them to be essential guides, covering every subject imaginable.

This book is no different - in two days of reading I have found jumping off points for discipline *and* interactive learning and play. It turns out that I, and to a lightly lesser extent, Andrew, are "Permissive Parents" of a mostly "'Difficult' or Spirited Toddler" (the quotes around "difficult" are the author's, not mine - most days here are difficult not "difficult"), but I sure would like to change that. In 48 hours I have shaken that horrible feeling that this would be our lives until he left for college (if he made it that far - I didn't at first).

I don't have any solutions or anything right now, but we do have a goal. We want to become "Authoritative Parents" to our spirited son. I see those types out all the time - hell, I know a few - but I have always had trouble grasping the style. My FOO was Authoritarian, to a tee, with a smattering of Permissive when I would spend time with my father*. I think children of divorce have it especially hard when it comes to sorting out their own parenting styles. These days there seems to be a better understanding of the importance of a united front with regards to parenting and disciplining the children of divorce - and huge kudos to my father who is doing an absolutely stellar job raising his second batch of kids along-side his ex-wife (literally, they live a few blocks apart). But back in the 80's, my parents were treading in mostly uncharted waters and I give them full credit for doing their best. I am a mostly well adjusted and healthy parent in a healthy marriage with a wonderful child. I am lucky that a few parenting issues, that my parents gave me the brains and emotional intelligence to be able to identify and address, are all I struggle with.

Also on my reading list are Ann Douglas' books on Mealtimes and Sleep as well as Elizabeth Pantley's book, The No Cry Potty Training Solution and a book of Vegetarian food ideas for babies and toddlers to supplement my re-reading of Sharon K. Yntema's Vegetarian Baby (we have a second edition copy - but it is essentially the same as the "New" one as far as I can tell - and the retro angle makes it that much cooler).

Now it is time to pull Sebastian away from Baby E*nstein, which we had shelved long ago as being too young for this kid (because, you know, he's a genius). He has happily watched the entire DVD, yelling out animal names and asking me questions - as much as I hate to admit it, I think he is getting more out of this than anything else we have around. I am going to keep an eye out for non-disn*y videos similar to this so that I can, hopefully, squeeze some extra in-bed time out of my mornings. If all else fails I know the library has a huge collection of these ones and it sure as hell beats Dora or Thomas the Tank. We have an appointment to meet our new family doctor at 10:00 and I want to get a little running around (literally) done before that.



*my father had a temper and would revert to total Authoritarian in moments of anger - boy does that sound familiar.