guests, invited and uninvited.

It has been a wacky day. We've had a string of these, some leaving us reeling, some leaving us exhausted, some leaving us completely satisfied and some accomplishing all three. These are the days we'll cherish. Today, more than most, strikes me as the type of day we'll look back on when we're wrinkly.

This morning began slowly. My happy daughter and I stayed in bed for hours, sleeping and snuggling, singing and laughing. Around 9:30, I slid out of bed. Rigby played happily in her seat, enjoying the warm steam from my long, hot shower. She then watched me clean the house in preparation for the evening's guests. Finally falling asleep to the hum of the vacuum.

I didn't get as much work done as I think I should have, but I certainly did more than I would on any other day. Besides, I had just done my monthly cupboard clean *and* the budget. So I did some "internetting", essentially, I sat at my computer checking websites to see if anything new and interesting was up. I added a few more pages to del.icio.us, I talked on the phone, I did my hair (though sadly, not my makeup), I cleaned the void normally filled with Sebastian's car seat, I got bags ready for Sebastian's karate class and my therapy appointment, I sorted out what needed to be done before dinner time and I got us into the car to run errands before it was time to get Sebastian from his sleep-over.

As I slid the keys into the ignition, I saw the dog. A small-breed dog, with no human and no tags, sniffing the grass. I almost drove off, but instead I got out of the car and walked up to the little guy. He was frightened, but friendly and came to me with a little coaxing. The only identification he carried was a tag confirming he'd had a rabies shot. I called the vet's office and the woman on the phone took my number to call the owner they had on file, but the owner did not pick up nor did they have an answering machine, I left my number with the vet and got back in the car, this time with a second passenger.

Now running late, I got the (very well-behaved) dog into the car and drove across town to pick up Sebastian. On the way I picked up a gas-station coffee and a chocolate bar. The dog was a hit with Sebastian, a few concerns about the pointy teeth ("Mom, maybe he was sharp teeth?") and his general distrust of most things furry, but the dog's friendly and calm demeanor quickly won him over. The four of us raced back to town, Sebastian asking a battery of dog-related questions, me eating a fast-food meal (which incidentally, was pretty yummy), and Rigby growing more and more agitated over not being fed immediately. We were supposed to be home close to 2:00 to meet Andrew and head to therapy.

hunger, having tuned out her When we pulled up, Andrew came out and climbed in the car. I'd actually forgotten Rigby'sscreaming 15 minutes before. We made it down the whole block before I realised what we'd done. I dropped Andrew off to check out another house that he knew to own a small dog. Back at our house, Sebastian declared that he did not want to go inside with me, then requested that I also stay outside. It was a nice day so I agreed and nursed Rigby in the front seat. We chatted more about the lost dog and then about his upcoming karate class. Child was so pumped.

Back on the road, Sebastian sat with the puppy in his lap (temporary name: Arthur - Sebastian wanted to name it Sebastian-Dog, but I managed to sell him on something less confusing). Arthur was happy to be pet, he strikes me as a very easygoing dog, used to the love of small children.

My therapy session went well, though I found out it would be my second to last and that fills me with some sadness. Andrew and Sebastian were not as lucky. Seems I miscalculated and the class doesn't start until next week. Making the most of a break in the rain, Andrew, Arthur and Sebastian played in a feild before picking me up from the hospital.

On the way home we stopped for some simultaneous errands. Rigby and I hit the grocery store for dinner fixings while the boys got wine and checked out a family eyeglass place. The optician pimped out Sebastian's specs with rubber ear "hooks" and silicone nose pads, and Andrew found the funky eye patches I'd been on about. Sebastian can now choose between camo print, cars and planes, stars and rockets, or sports balls - making this long-assed process a wee bit more fun*. We've not been as diligent as we ought to be as the responsible parents of a kid with eye problems, but from what I hear, slip-ups can be common.

Our dinner was lovely and we all marveled at our adorable and uninvited guest. The kids were rough around the edges, hungry and tired long before dinner hit the table. But we managed to make it all the way to ice cream without major incident. Dinner was simple and delicious, noodles with pesto, goat feta, grape tomatoes and olives, and a grain-filled, soft baguette with fresh hummus. Dessert, which did not make it out of the oven until Sebastian was in bed, was a delicious apple crisp Aly put together - served with vanilla ice cream (soy for me) and a raspberry and strawberry sauce.

I'm feeling pretty fat and happy. The dishes will keep until morning, as much as it pains me to leave them. Tomorrow will be another full day, something I am beginning to accept as my new normal.

*Just now I came across these fabric patches and I think I may try to make one for Sebastian.

sick day

Andrew woke me up this morning at 5:00 informing me that he'd been up most of the night puking. Sebastian then woke up at 6:30 with an explosive poopy diaper, meanwhile I still needed to nurse and change Rigby. And I am so not a morning person. Think of your favourite zombie movie, that's me before 8:00am. That's why I married a morning person, so he could deal with things until I was lucid... that plan falls apart, however, when he's sick.

So - the TV went on - three adventures with the Backyardiagans and then Sebastian and I headed to the store for gravol, ginger-ale and soup. We came home and since I wasn't sure if the rest of us would be carrying icky GI germs, we all stayed at home. That didn't work out so well, though, since Sebastian just wanted to play with dad and I resented having another person to take care of. So the kids and I packed up the stroller and hit a playground.

There we met a young boy and his dad, I have to say I *love* stay-home dads, I find them so much easier to befriend. Sebastian and this young chap played so well together it was almost astounding. The boy was about 6 months older than Boo and really cool. I found out the Montessori preschool by the park is great, but doesn't have a part-time program... we're thinking preschool soonish, though I am having some trouble committing to a solid time frame.

After the park we hit the cafe for a muffin and steamed milk (coffee for me) and warmed up before starting home. I had hoped to pile some more errands onto that trip, but was already pushing back Sebastian's nap and I could tell he was getting close to falling asleep on his feet.

Now he's in bed, he fell asleep moments after climbing under the covers, Andrew is still sleeping (despite claiming to be getting up) and Rigby is also dozing quietly in her stroller. I have piles of backed up work and cleaning to do, but I just feel drained and all I want to do is rest a moment before feeding the teeny one and running back out the door to complete errands before friends come to visit.

I shouldn't complain, Andrew rarely gets this sick and he has taken care of me so much over the last two months, and for that I am really grateful. I just resent the ease with which he can take a sick day.

what we're up to

As everyone knows, Christmas is coming - and soon. This will not be the year I get Christmas cards sent - hell, I haven't even registered my daughter's birth yet. Nor will it be the year I craft all my gifts by hand - though if I can crack off a couple for dear friends and family I will be very happy. Luckily I make a mean cookie - so if nothing else, my group of family and family-esque people can count on getting fed.

Here's the awesome bit, none of this bothers me much. Oh it bothers me a wee bit, I wish we were the family who had holiday cards sent out early and a great stash of gifts that had been made over the year. But it isn't killing me... and, while someday I will likely tire of the numbness the medication provides, this vacation from constantly running through my mental list of successes and failures (past, present and future) is exquisite. It is almost as lovely as sipping margaritas on some tropical beach.

Today we met* some friends at a great little coffee shop for some brunch and coffees**. It was fun - a lot of fun. I wonder if I talked too much about myself - and I definitely didn't anticipate how HOT I would be wearing two layers and a baby - but I felt like *myself* again. Yesterday was the same story, we went to a big holiday party hosted by the family centre we attend, and I ran into a lot of people who'd become familiar faces over the past months and was able to just talk to them. I didn't try and run off, I wasn't so focused on my internal dialogue I couldn't follow the conversation and I even handled an uncomfortable situation with something in the same neighbourhood as grace.

enjoying his soy bambinoccino:


so much cute:


me and ms. giggly-pants:

following the trail back to home***:



My relationships inside the house are improving as well, Sebastian feeds off my anxiety and so with me being much less anxious, he is too. Plus, I am not so fatalistic about how every interaction will affect him later in life - which is making life a whole lot easier to handle. He is sleeping better - Andrew and I have been doing a modified Ferber on him and it seems to be working... he still yells and screams, but we've been keeping cool and so, if nothing else, we feel better. And he is just so much fun to be around since we've stopped trying to turn every interaction into some kind of life lesson (something I don't think we'd even realised we were doing until recently - and really, how dull must that be for poor Sebastian?).

I am even finding a mess/clean balance I am able to live with. It isn't perfect - I am currently avoiding the bedroom because if I go in there I will spend the day cleaning it, but it is working for me. And I am starting to think about giving myself a to-do list and see how things go.

*in both senses of the word - we met up with some mama-friends we knew and some new ones

**I had too much of both, downing two lattes and splitting an incredible banana and chocolate bread pudding and a deliciously moist ricotta, apple) and almond muffin

***the petals lead to a flower shop and were such a beautiful surprise

cook, eat, play, clean, cook, eat, clean, cook, eat, sleep, repeat

Today we ventured out of the house. Originally the plan had been to visit the family centre - but by the time we were ready to walk out the door it was almost snack time. I convinced Sebastian that a trip to the coffee shop and park could be just as exciting. The promise of a blueberry bran muffin tipped the scales.

Sebastian jumped into each and every puddle we came across, and it is fall in Vancouver, so you know there are plenty. I didn't mind at all, he was snug in his new rain outfit and I had a stash of towels in the stroller, just in case. Rigby enjoyed her first walk... well, I assume she did, she spent most of the trip asleep in her stroller bubble and didn't make a fuss until we left the park. The coffee shop was a big hit - and despite the rain we were able to sit outside quite comfortably (lucky, since the cafe was packed to the hilt and I had ordered my coffee and our muffin to stay). We chatted abut the things we saw - I explained that pigeons were not welcome in coffee shops, Sebastian explained that dogs do not eat people (?). I'd hoped to sneak back home without the promised trip to the park - our very lovely walk to the coffee shop having taken about three times as long as I had thought it would. I have to remind myself often that he's not so little any more and remembers things. I didn't mind, really, I had dressed us all well and none of us were uncomfortable or crabby, yet. Once at the park Sebastian got over his disappointment that there were no other kids present when he made the thrilling discovery that his waterproof pants, combined with the plastic slide and rain made for a very exciting ride. He was also happy to have my (nearly) undivided attention for a while.

We were having a ball and ended up staying out just a wee bit too long, on the way back Sebastian decided he was not going to be able to walk the entire distance home and Rigby wailed for a good five blocks, it started to really rain as we walked home and I ended up briskly pushing the stroller as Sebastian rode my shoulders. I then hit a point, a block from home, where I didn't think I would make it. Luckily, Sebastian had gotten his second wind and was willing to complete the last leg of our journey under his own steam. We came home, tired, wet, hungry and more than a little crabby - but we'd had fun, and more than that, with the knowledge that we could do it.

And now, my husband just walked in the door with ice cream, dark chocolate, diet pepsi, bread, dip and wine (yeah baby) to make up for the three HOURS of laundry in our manual washer... I was feeling pretty pissy earlier - I'm now feeling much better (and the venomous thoughts about my husband have almost completely faded away... though the fart stink he just left a few feet away from me and the fact that I lost the original conclusion to this post because I had signed into his gmail by his request, giving blogger a brain-fart, have brought back a tiny bit of venom). Nothing a nice back rub wouldn't fix.

I have some relevant photos to post - but because I am too lazy to find both my camera and camera cord - I will leave you with the *promise* of photos to come.

really quick note on Klean Kanteens in Vancouver

I've noticed that a few people have ended up here looking for a place in Vancouver to buy Klean Kanteens - I just wanted to mention that I did see bottles yesterday at Capers on Cambie for $19.99. They were not the sippy-cup style, but were simple medium-sized ones. We were on the run (after you-know-who) so I did little more than note that they were there and their cost. I will continue to look out for them!

(Whole Foods in West Van does not carry Klean Kanteens, but does sell Sigg bottles for around $25 (if memory serves) - I also saw a poster at the Eastside Family Place advertising Klean Kanteens, but forgot to investigate further before we left - I will also post on that after this week's visit.

a glorious little space for little people

This morning we checked out a café/diner we have been itching to go to for a couple months. Little Nest is tucked away just off the Drive, up Charles; walking up to the front door, I admit I was a little bit overwhelmed. The place is noisy and at 10:30 on a Sunday morning, packed with people. Their debit machine was either not functioning or non-existent, not a problem for us on most days (Andrew and I try to only deal in cash anyways) but our brunch guests did need to find the nearest bank machine.

Sebastian felt right at home in the large and well-stocked play area. He found a great vintage-looking wind-up train and an old Fisher-Price airport and plane. Our group of 6+1 took up one end of the large centre table, a substantial vintage wood table painted the colour of a pale robin’s egg. When our food came Sebastian sat in one of those fantastic old highchairs with the Formica trays. Our food was delicious, I chose the very simple Two Eggs with Soldiers – two boiled eggs with strips of hearty brown bread. Sebastian loved his Kid’s French Toast, but also insisted on having one of my eggs (minus the yolk, which we all know is the best part!), Andrew and Molly both ordered the Potato Frittata, which came with a salad, only one of them noticed that the dish had sausage in it – Andrew says that it was awesome anyways, but will remember to omit the meat next time. Casey had a fresh-baked almond muffin and Amy and Nancy both ordered the Pancetta Scrambled Eggs, which looked and smelled like heaven*.

I found the egg-shaped salt and pepper shakers really charming, and the fact that they use local ingredients, including only cooking organic, free-range eggs, very reassuring. The Little Nest staff is friendly and hard working, I have heard complaints about the service from other parents, but didn’t find the wait for our food terrible. The only one among us who might have kicked up a fuss in any other place was reluctant to stop what he was doing to come eat once the food did arrive. I like the order the front, have your food brought to your table set-up they have, but the resulting line-up – coupled with a lack of tables – did make us nearly turn-away.

The din, while constant, was not as overwhelming as it felt when we first walked in – the high ceilings allowed for decent acoustics and we were able to maintain a comfortable conversation. I see Little Nest working through some growing pains to become the ideal place to bring your kids for a bite. My only suggestion would be to get a gate or half-door for the front. We saw one frazzled mother drop her food repeatedly to chase her feisty pre-schooler as he made his way out the front door. I could very easily see myself in her runners. I was also a little warm in there for my liking – but I think that will sort itself out soon.

Review on Urban Diner

*cast of characters: Amy - my 21-year-old half-sister, visiting from Calgary, Molly - my 14-year-old half-sister, Casey - my 16-year-old half-sister, and Nancy-my (ex)step-mother, mother to Casey and Molly.

a bit of this, a bit of that

I have been really enjoying my son lately.

We are still hitting daily rough-patches, but things are starting to even out a little. This weekend was a big father-son "bonding" weekend, Andrew took over the role of primary caregiver and I managed to get a whole lot done and slipped in some Kate-time. I am still behind on some things, but I feel much more centered and okay about dropping the ball a little.

Today Sebastian and I checked out another Family Place nearby. I was a little disappointed by the staff - any other time I have visited a new family place I have been greeted and given a tour... this time I got nothing, and when I left I noted that mine was not the only name with "first time visiting the family place" checked off. I know I could have introduced myself and asked for a tour... but I am chicken-shit and hate going up to strangers. We will be going back, Sebastian had an awesome time and the price is right ($1). Next time I swear I will try to find someone to give me a tour.

I also had a nice time, though didn't talk to anyone - mostly I was busy helping Sebastian remember how to share (he is going through a "mine" phase - good times). The one thing that really put me off was this woman who spent the entire morning wandering the playroom talking loudly and angrily on her cell phone. I was trying very hard not to eavesdrop, but did gather that it had something to do with work, being called into work, her having a daycare and other people screwing everything up for her. She left her younger daughter (3) in the care of her older daughter (5) during this two hour diatribe - she just wandered the playroom on her phone, oblivious to the fact that she was a) including a whole bunch of strangers in her conversation and b) being a total bitch. I mean, hasn't she heard of text-messaging? But seriously, I am not usually a judgy-mama, I always try to see myself in another mamas shoes- but this time I could not picture it. She didn't even get off the phone while she served her kids their snacks.

Tomorrow my friend Kristi is coming over in the morning for pre-family centre coffee.

hero worship

Yesterday we took the bus downtown to visit Harbour Centre and then meet Andrew at work for lunch. This was a guaranteed-fun day because a) Sebastian *loves* taking transit, b) we had a free pass to the top of Harbour Centre, c) going to Andrew's office is always fun and d) Sebastian wore his cape.

Super Sebastian.



Top-Secret Superhero HQ.



Watching over the city.



There's trouble afoot. With his trusty sidekick, Funkmaster B (aka. Baby Bunny).



Relaxing after a long day keeping Vancouver safe.



His cape drew heaps of attention everywhere we went - it is an old scarf that came in a box from my Grandmother. Each square depicts a Swiss (I think - based on a flag on one building) scene or item (there are many buildings, a a bottle of what looks like vodka and cherries, and a fondue pot). I have been long thinking of turning it into quilt squares, but have a feeling it will have to wait (who am I kidding, it was already waiting - at least now it is getting some use and love).

and the beat goes on

The Vancouver civic strike is the beast that just won't die. Piles of trash are starting to appear in parks, despite the efforts of a number of park users to pick up what they see. Our trash bins are overflowing, though I am taking much solace in knowing that our relative impact has been small. I am rather amazed at the amount of trash the other two families in my building produce - because we're still not doing that great a job of being trash-less.

Andrew and Sebastian took on the job of sorting their recycling so we could move our own growing pile off of the fireplace mantle and out into the blue boxes. He is amazing - he made two over flowing blue boxes fit into one, with room to spare. Allowing our own sizable pile to fill half the other box (I think he is magic).

During the strike, not only are parks getting more trashy - but so is the beach. Today's trip was actually quite eye-opening, mostly it just pissed me off that people can't fucking pick up after themselves. Thankfully, the trash-cans are getting emptied (occasionally) and so there was somewhere to put the trash we picked up. Oh, I forgot to mention the rat we saw run across our path on our walk last night - good times!!!

That said, I am glad the beaches are still open, with bathrooms that are being occasionally attended to. With the pools closed there isn't anywhere else to go for a dip, though driving to Burnaby, like my friend Kristi did yesterday, is not such a bad idea.

Here, again, for the benefit of all my Vancouver mama-friends is the wonderfully comprehensive list from yoyomama.ca of things to keep this strike from wrecking what's left of summer.

a day in the life

The bug and I woke up this morning cuddled together. As much as I long for the day he will stay in his own bed until dawn, I also adore our morning ritual. Usually I wake before Sebastian and Andrew and take a moment to watch them sleep, my waking will usually cause Sebastian to stir - so I drink in all the adorable I can before closing my eyes again and willing us both back to sleep. At some point, Andrew gets up - it is usually mid-shower that Sebastian notices his absence and gets up. He wants milk. I open the door for him (which he politely closes behind him every single night when he comes to bed), it sticks and he can't get it open on his own. I have taken to crawling back into bed while Andrew fixes Sebastian's breakfast and (usually) does dishes, getting out of bed as late as I can possibly manage. My small boy will come cuddle back in bed for a little bit some mornings, and will dance on the bed until I get up on others.

This morning, however, Sebastian and I found ourselves waking up nestled together. Neither one wanting to move - afraid of losing that comfortable one-ness that is lost as soon as you try and hold onto it. He smiled, I smiled, Andrew came in to say a quick goodbye. He had done all the dishes and made breakfast. Late I found out he had skipped his ritual shower to get it all done. I love him so much sometimes for those small things.

After a yummy breakfast (mine was low-sugar and included an egg for protein due to my close call on my gestational diabetes screen) - we got ready to head to Science World. The original plan was to bring a picnic lunch and take the bus - too bad I forgot to get bread for sandwiches, nor did I have anything else remotely "picnicy" on hand (save some fruit - which is great but can no longer comprise entire meals). After some deliberation, during which I also cleaned up, made coffee, changed a poopy diaper, got a toddler dressed and clothed and primped myself, I decided to get sandwiches from the grocery store. This meant driving. I am not a fan of driving in my area, it sucks, getting to my local grocer is a stressful experience at the best of times. I therefore ended up at the high-end organic store, where I spent a little more, but got a nice tofu salad and some other yummy munchies.

We then headed over to the "big ball" to meet up with our family centre group. We arrived just after 10 and immediately ran into a mom I had talked to before and her kids. Her eldest is Sebastian's age (give or take) and they had fun terrorizing the lobby together while she and I made small talk. Another mom, who I met last week in a Stress and Relaxation workshop, found me and we also got to talking. Chit-chat is so hard when you add toddlers to the mix, mine is always making trouble as soon as he figures out he doesn't have my undivided attention. Thought the science world lobby is a fairly dull place to hang out - save for the pay parking stations and piles of brochures and maps. I am just thankful he didn't spot the gift shop.

Once we were herded inside, Sebastian and I bee-lined to the toddler pit. There he spent a good hour, before getting restless. Since the place was (relatively) quiet, I let him run around the main displays and helped him figure out how to make things work. We made music by slapping rubber paddles, resembling small beaver tails, against big tubes, he rode the spinning disk, where two older boys gamely rolled a ball to him for a bit, he quite vividly remembered the bee hive from our last visit and was mesmerized by it for a little bit, we found things that made lots of noise and he asked a steady stream of questions.

The only drama came when we had lunch, rather than leave the building, I decided we could sit on the outdoor patio. It was lovely and we got to see the dump trucks fill a barge with Canada Line dirt, the day was sunny and the breeze was cool coming off the water. The problem arose when, upon finishing our lunch, I decided we would avoid a series of meltdowns if we just left. I stand by my decision, I think that one big tantrum was preferable to the series of escalating ones I know he would have had, considering his increasing fatigue.

It was right around this point I remembered we were supposed to bring the car in to have the paint looked at. We loaded up in the car and started off towards Surrey, Sebastian fell asleep within moments - confirming my hypothesis. The car shop was a bust, our paint problem is not covered by warranty. But we did go to a cute little coffee shop where Sebastian charmed the pants off the woman behind the counter and her friend - they were so sweet I almost forgive them for dishing out a dozen HP spoilers (I might care more if I had read any of the books yet). We also managed to find a very strange playground with no slide; in fact it looked more like some strange, colourful, army training site than a playground. With all manner of monkey bars, a climbing wall, parallel bars and this strange rolling barrel set-up. Sebastian found great joy in hanging from the lowest bar we could find for as long as he could and then falling onto the gravel. He was having such fun I had to bribe him with dried fruit to get him back into the car.

Andrew finished day two of working the late shift - two of his work-mates are off on sick/personal leave. Considering his team consists of him and two other guys, he's a little fucked. He has, however, promised me he will not be working this shift all week. This is good news because as much as it pains me to admit it, I don't handle working overtime well at all. He came home today with a special present for Boo - a "blackbox" t-shirt from the EA studio that Andrew works at, Sebastian loves it - because it is just like dad's. Plus it is HUGE on him so will fit for-freaking-ever.



Tomorrow morning Andrew is going to work late and wants to take Sebastian to the park first thing - I think this means I get to sleep in!!!

who's a hermit now?????

Yesterday, after Sebastian's nap, he played outside as I turned an aging mango into chutney. During the process I managed to throw/drop the small pyrex bowl I was mixing the starch and water in. It exploded - poor Sebastian wanted so badly to make sure I was alright (there may have been a few choice words muttered) but I had to keep him outside while I hunted down every last bit of shattered glass.

We had a couple of friends over for dinner last night and the chutney was to go with the *wonderful* chickpea and cauliflower curry I made up based loosely on this recipe from VegWeb. They brought delicious samosas, and we drank (fake) beer and mocktails and talked about grown-up things and had a really awesome time.

cooking dinner:


drinking beer:


Like adults, I cleaned up while Andrew put Sebastian to sleep and we went to bed at an almost decent hour - full of food and (after only one Tum) amazingly un-heartburny!

Today I woke up planning to spend a dreary day doing laundry and other boring things. That was before I remembered a playdate I had said we would be attending. It was a park that was just far enough away to make the idea of walking just a little too much - after a lengthy internal debate I decided to drive. My son, who is a better environmentalist that I am, was very upset that we were not walking. He came around as soon as we got there and he saw the kids and play equipment.


The park and the playdate were terrific, we met some new parents and kids - we had a nice picnic and made it home in time for a nice nap.

Remembering that the weekly neighbourhood farmer's market was today, we headed over there after Sebastian's nap. We picked up some great produce, fresh apricots, nectarines, blueberries and beets, as well as a free bag of random salad bits (lettuce and radishes) and eggs.

We came home and decided rather than cook or, you know make anything, we would have hot dogs and banana bread (thanks Kristi!!). Now Andrew is back at work (near-constant work issues this week) and tomorrow he will be home in the afternoon so he can go back in the evening. This will allow him to take a nap and me to do laundry - good times. At least Sebastian and I have morning plans - we're going to the family centre (not affected by the strike - YAY) with my friend Kristi and her daughter.

Also - for all my Vancouver mama friends, a list of things to do during the strike can be found at yoyomama.ca.

Note to self - Sunday market in Kits for honey and jam woman's going out of business.

it takes all kinds

Sebastian is a talker, a BIG talker, a non-stop talker and some of the things he comes up with to fill the silence are hilarious. I am not the type to dump a whole load of Sebastian-isms on all six of you who read my blog regularly - but here a few worthy nuggets:

he has replaced "yes" with "you bet!"

Do you want to go to the park Sebastian? "you bet!"
Would you like to take a bath? "you bet!"
Do you need a new diaper? "you bet!"

he came out of the bathroom, clad only in a towel, chanting "toga! toga! toga!"

tofu = "toe food" (often "yummy toe food")

he has begun to say either "let's rock" or "let's rock and roll, mom" when it is time to leave.

and lastly - at the market this week he yelled a woman about to pick up a watermelon: "careful! really heavy watermelon."



He is an amazing kid, my Boo. He isn't even two and a half (and because he is short, bald and baby-faced is often mistaken as a bit younger) but he communicates so well, listens when asked to put things back where he found them (at the bank it was a pile of pamphlets, at the coffee shop* it was a plastic cup - returned neatly to the shelf, and at the post office/general store it was a whole bunch of things from shoe polish to plungers - which brought much admiration from both the man behind the counter and the throngs of older women gathered at the post office (four women ranging in age from about 50 to about 80). This all made up for his earlier anti-social behaviour - though I admit that by the time we got home I was more than ready for him to take a nap (which he did without a fuss).

This evening he and Andrew played a bit while I made dinner - something that for some reason I had absolutely no desire to do... some days five hits and the last thing I want to do is get off my butt and make food. Those are usually the days I have spent more than an appropriate amount of time on my butt already. After dinner (an improvised big salad with tofu and brown rice noodles) Sebastian and Andrew went to the park for an hour while I updated my craft blog instead of doing dishes or anything else remotely active. They then took a bath together and Sebastian came out and I put cream on his rashy bits, then a diaper and pjs - not one of which I had to get up off my butt to do. And now that they are going to bed I am still sitting exactly where I was left.

I am lazy.

Tomorrow is a new day, I have a toddler group activity that I am still debating attending (because of the rain it was moved to a kid-friendly cafe that I am not very fond of, plus I would be expected to at the very least buy a tea) - I have a much shorter list of things that desperately need doing, thanks to a few late nights and today's running around. If it is anything like today, I may just head to the laundromat, throw some boots on boo and hit some puddles between loads, pay my cell bill and rent a kid's dvd at the video store. And spend a nice afternoon putting fresh laundry away and cleaning house.

*if you are reading this and wondering why I am spending money when I shouldn't be - at Starbucks, no less - I just want to point out I got a tea and it was only because I had to buy something to use their bathroom.

just add it to the pile

I am tired. It is hot. I am hot and tired.



Looking around there are things I should do, and things I could do, and things I have to do, but getting up would mean sweating even more. And it wasn't even that hot out today - next week it'll be above 30C*. I am not a huge fan of heat, at all. I don't like to sweat - I have gotten over most of my "fat" baggage, but being a big sweaty fat chick is still one of those things that makes me anxious. It was suggested today that I look into sitting in a kiddie pool in a bikini - my plan for tomorrow is to sit in our kiddie pool in my one-piece (no 'kinis for me) and drink ice water and listen to whatever comes on the radio. If we get bored we'll hit the wading pool down the street.



This weekend I am going to look for a massive umbrella to park my ass under and tomorrow I will put together as many vegetarian no-cook recipes as I can find. Tonight the only thing I cooked was tofu and it nearly killed me. Also I need to find pants alternatives, I can not believe I didn't think to get shorts and capris for these long, fat summer months. I may need to push back some more projects and turn my two pairs of jeans into skirts. Or go shopping (I am deluded enough to think that when I do our budget we will actually be able to do that - hahaha - the heat must really be getting to me).

So I have projects that need doing and no drive to do them. One, for a swap, needs to be finished and sent out by Saturday. Andrew's birthday gift has been set aside while I wait for the perfect way to construct it comes to me. I have a super-secret party to go to on the weekend for which I wanted to make a gift - oh, AND, I really wanted to finish my mei-tai before the weekend to haul Boo around in when we gets tired of walking this weekend at folk-fest (attempting to avoid bringing the stroller). Daunting, no? It is already Tuesday.

My hope is that if we stay outside and cool all day tomorrow (save naps) the house will also stay dark and cool (and clean) and I will then not feel like I have oodles of excuses sitting in my way.

Oh, I forgot I am also getting my gestational diabetes screen done tomorrow morning. So tomorrow morning I get to sit with a bunch of strangers in a crowded waiting room, much too early in the morning, for an hour. Let's not forget the putrid orange concoction they make you drink. Thankfully, Andrew is taking Sebastian to work in the morning so it will just be me, and I will pack a good book and enjoy the peace. Afterwards I am going to come home and slither into the above mentioned kiddie pool.

Yesterday I froze some of Sebastian's toys inside various plastic containers and one empty milk carton - this will make for a fun afternoon activity! And tomorrow's omelet dinner shouldn't warm the house too terribly.

*30 degrees Celsius = 86 degrees Fahrenheit (thanks, Google)

what I love and all the work it takes

My house is clean, really, really clean. My husband is brushing my clean son's teeth before bed, all the toys are put away, the dishes are clean, dinner has been eaten and leftovers packed up for lunch tomorrow, my tea is steaming beside me. Later, when I climb into bed I will be so happy it is made.

A couple of books later...

I love my husband and the fact that he puts our son to sleep most nights - a tradition we developed early-on - I love that even though I have a sewing project I want to be working on (and will work on as soon as this is finished) I have nothing else I am neglecting to write this entry. I love that we had a great morning out at the family centre where I was allowed a blissful 45 minutes - hour of peace (with coffee and cake!) while someone else kept an eye on my son. I was not too sad when a tantrum right before story-time meant we had to leave early, I enjoyed my walk home and a having a little more time than usual to prepare lunch (I fully admit I let him watch an episode of Dora while I made lunch - I don't regret it). I love that I got to sit and enjoy a lunch with my son while we talked about his morning (kids, toys, trucks, trains) and that he listened and understood when I asked him not to play with his drink. I love that Sebastian is napping again. I love that when awake, he can play autonomously but also that he loves spending time with me so much.

I love my achy body and the knowledge that it aches because it works so hard, because I spent my day cleaning and cooking and playing. I love that nearly six months pregnant, my body can still lift my son, that it can still walk nearly everywhere (a little slower), that it can still cook and clean and enjoy the brief peace of a clean and quiet house. I love that later, when the sun is setting, I will be treated to at the very least a hug and more likely a back rub. I love that the man giving me those things is the man I love so much and who loves me so much he will run to the store late at night for ice cream or cookie dough.

I am writing this down because of the many times I forget that which I love, or worse resent it. I forget why I work so hard and how much of the payoff is mine alone.

Happy Canada Day

With all the long nights and frustrating days this past week has brought it is awesome to be enjoying a wonderful day with my family. This morning our plan was to take the bus downtown and hit up the Canada Day celebrations at Canada place - one look at the mega-packed bus made us re-think the value of leaving the car at home. We decided to take a chance and brought the car in, we payed way too much for parking (which is why we are sitting at his office right now instead of at home - that and we have a monstrous pile of dishes and laundry waiting at home, here we have cold drinks - , air conditioning, a great view and a giant TV) and met my dad for a great walk around enjoying the festivities.

We very briefly popped into the "kid's adventure zone" which was a room full of bouncy castles and disco lights. It felt like a pint-sized rave, without music or drugs - we left without "enjoying" a single ride.

Outside we found big boats and some cheesy kid's music as well as flags and tattoos and many many lineups for free samples at various booths. Five minutes in line for a cup of yogurt or crystal light? No thanks!

Sebastian had his photo taken by a Canada Place photog and it may appear in next year's brochure.

After our break we are either going to head back down to the party or head home - obviously my vote is to not go home, only because I really *really* don't want to do any work, but realistically it will have to get done soon and we should all get a little siesta in before we head back down here tonight to watch the fireworks. Normally I would just stick Sebastian in the stroller and suggest we walk around until he passes out - but with all the music and noise I can't quite convince myself that would actually happen. I think I will leave the final decision to Andrew, because I'm mean like that.

"check my new tatty!"


my three favourite men -


eating on the edge

why Andrew has the best office ever - thankfully Sebastian doesn't play video games yet, otherwise we would never, ever leave -


playing on the white-board with dad -


the insanity, as seen from above -


more of the same -

when it rains, it pours

I am comfortably cuddled in my bed listening to the alternating waves of pounding rain and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with my sleeping son beside me and my sleepy husband next to him. I returned about an hour ago from a girl's night out that I had originally decided not to attend for financial reasons, but after a particularly hellish day, I decided that I needed to spend a little money and a lot of time with friends.

The rain just broke enough to hear a great quote:
Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ah, no.
[laughs, snorts]
Slartibartfast: Well, that's where it all falls down, of course.

Our night out was awesome - we talked about all sorts of stuff... okay, we talked about kids and pregnancy and motherhood... we really tried not to but somehow every single conversation came back to one of those. Regardless I had fun, learned new things, enjoyed what was likely the best veggie burger I have had since turning veggie, and kept my entire bill under $20 (my self-imposed limit).

When I left at 7:30 the house was a fucking mess - toys and dishes and food everywhere. Bliss was wandering in at 11:00 to a clean house, a sleeping baby and a still awake husband. We stayed up even later, enjoyed our movie and I fell asleep feeling a million times better about nearly everything...

Our day had been shit.

The plan: catch bus at 9:15, get off bus and walk to library, return books, check out books while Sebastian makes use of play area, call Andrew, meet for lunch, eat lunch, head home, nap, clean, cook etc...

What actually happened: missed bus, fought with transit website while calming over-excited and bored toddler, found out bus time, packed up 30 pounds of books and other accoutrements, tried to get toddler to ride in sling comfortably, he loved it, I didn't - decided to take stroller, walk to bus stop, remove child from stroller and collapse, wait, wait, maneuver onto bus while wearing bag full of books, on back, child on hip and carrying the world's most awkward "umbrella" stroller, search for seat, find only empty seat at back of bus, guide Sebastian to said empty seat on moving bus, sit child in seat, set stroller down on some woman's foot (an accident) which prompts her to ask if I would like her seat (oh god YES!), I graciously accept and sit.

Bus ride is 15-20 minutes, child is pretty amazing which is a huge blessing because we are both hot, flustered and I am getting smelly (I'm a hippy and my deodorant, while awesome and organic, does have its limits), we get off of bus in "sketchy"part of town - Sebastian would prefer to walk so the backpack rides in the stroller. We have a long walk with many distractions (fountain, whale, bug, flower) and all I want is to get inside what I know will be an air-conditioned building, it is about this point I realise I have forgotten my phone at home (fuck), I stay calm and reassure myself I can use a payphone to call Andrew's cell, we get to the library, Sebastian is adorable and fascinated, things are looking up. We go downstairs to the Children's library and, I swear to you, I got about 2 minutes between managing Sebastian to actually pick out books (left with two books and two magazines). We were shhh'd in the bloody children's library - sigh.

We get checked out, pee, and search for a phone. Finding one free I call up Andrew only to get his voicemail. I left a message (he later asked me if I wanted to hear what I sound like when I am pissed off an trying to stay calm - I wish I had said no) and headed back into the library to a) search for my missing sunglasses and b) use their internet to email my techie husband. The moment we stopped in the very busy computer area, Sebastian began to throw a monumental fit. I jot a quick, impatient email and we venture outside to share an orange. Both a bit happier we return inside only to find the man who usually responds with lightening speed has not replied to the first email - so I wrote a curt, bitchy message. I got an instant, confused response - he hadn't gotten my first message - and we made quick plans to meet nearby.

We met, headed to the air-conditioned sanctuary of a mall food-court, discovered a decent and affordable vietnamese place and as my blood sugar returned to normal I started to feel human (and a little embarrassed). After lunch we treated ourselves to ice cream and walked over to the bus stop. Along the way we decided to leave the compact stroller with Andrew to store at his office. This was a great move, our bus ride home was warm but pleasant and coming home to a nice, cool house and the knowledge that I would be going out later was a great way to end our shitty day.

Gazing up in wonder at the Vancouver Library

a view from above - and other fun

The day that falls right between the weekends is usually a tough one for us. The excitement of the upcoming weekend not yet upon us and any feelings of rest or refreshment from the previous weekend have faded, no longer days where my one and only thought is "When will Andrew be walking through the (fucking) door??" Wednesdays are still long, exhausting days - especially when they start too early and are populated by a crabby, teething toddler and a crabby, tired pregnant lady. Thank goodness for friends, coffee, and switching my laundry day to Friday.

This morning Sebastian and I met up with two other mamas and their kids - we had a coffee and then headed over to the insanity that was the kerrisdale play palace. Now that older kids are out of school this place is a freaking zoo, not that Sebastian minded one bit - he had a blast running from activity to activity and even managed to stand in line once for the giant slide. Smart boy that he is, though, he saw the waste of waiting 3 minutes for a 10 second ride and chose instead to frequent the smaller slide on the obstacle course. I didn't get a whole lot of social time in, what with chasing him all over a full-sized arena littered with toys and small people, but I did manage to briefly catch up with a dad I had met back in New Westminster before we moved to our new digs. Turns out they also just moved and we now live about a dozen blocks apart. I am looking forward to getting to know him and his son better - my impression from our first few meetings is that he is a really cool guy and an awesome parent.

Sebastian and I shared a lovely picnic lunch on a hill beside a running track (his pick), we had tiny pb&j sandwiches with grapes and oranges for him and carrots a hummus for me, we split a V8 and I got a chance to sit back and watch him roll down the hill before we left. His very brief nap was spent neglecting my duties (I thought I had more time, really) and cruising the net, I re-stumbled on a journal I had found shortly before our Apple switch* called Chronicles of Me, starring the lovely and multi-talented Boho Girl. I read her words and at once she is totally human and completely other-worldly. I lost myself in her world for about and hour and before I knew it my son was unhappily awake and I needed to get my "mom" on.

I got our two bedrooms cleaned up before the little guy started to lose it, quickly tidied everything else (leaving dishes, much to Andrew's disappointment - "Is that really *two* sinks full of dishes?" "No... uh... (looking over) yeah, it is."), made some tea and packed up the stroller for a trip to the playground. There my tiny two-year-old son amazed me by climbing a 5+ foot children's climbing wall to get to the big slide:


After mastering that feat he took on the amazing "invisible staircase"- a series of monkey bars that step up to the slide platform:


He was super chuffed about this feat and repeated it two more times before a tiny slip near the end freaked him out a bit and he decided he would rather hang out a little closer to solid ground:


Lastly, a photo of what I see when I look down these days (note my feet are already no-where in sight... in four months I will likely be as big as a beluga - note to self: avoid wearing white):


*my favourites are still stored in some digital void somewhere, I haven't bother finding them because it would mean sorting my too many links. After today, however, I think I might, there are many things i miss and I think Kelly Hogaboom (easy to find because of her memorable name) might begin to think I am stalking her (I am)

you came in with the breeze

Taken out our front window earlier this morning - you can't really tell, but the rain is beating down here.

As the torrential rains of this morning let up, revealing a fresh-smelling Sunday morning, I wave to my husband and son who are off to the Kerrisdale Play Palace and enjoy the quiet music coming out of my computer and a mostly-warm first cup of coffee.

My family will return to the smells of lunch cooking and a clean home, but before I dig in I will enjoy this bit of peace a little while longer. I have been really spoiled this weekend, yesterday morning they left me alone for nearly two whole hours and then I also got to go shopping kidless. Today they will be gone for about as much time, during which I will wash the few dishes from breakfast and last night's late-night red pepper roasting (it went well), I will then clean up Sebastian's room, putting away the toys Andrew brought in from outside and cleaned (how do so many toys make it out the door each week??), skipping much of the usual toy rotation because after our week away Boo seems to see his toys with more than the usual excitement. Later I will make the bed, tidy up and return to my clean kitchen to simultaneously make lunch (scrambled eggs) and dinner (pre-baking the pie crust for quiche and mixing the filling) - I realise we are having eggs twice today, but lunch was Andrew's request and I will happily indulge him. Before the fellas get home I might even be able to squeeze in a quick shower!

Things have been really awesome lately, the rottenness of the last month or so finally behind us. Andrew and I are getting along so much better and we are both relating better to our toddler son.

I have a bajillion updates to do, pictures from our trip to post and thoughts to share - but for now, the clock ticks and I must get on with it.

Seattle trip, day two

After sending Andrew off with a warm bagel and coffee from the hotel coffee shop, Sebastian and I came back upstairs to find something fun to do. Lacking any solid plans I decided it would be a great day to check out University Village, we packed up the car and drove, very briefly, to the shops. There we wandered around, gazing into the shop windows and at the integrated water features. We stopped at Village Maternity, where after a long browse we settled on a Bella Band for me and a dragon shirt and sunglasses strap for Sebastian. Things I wanted, but couldn't afford: diaper bags, glamourmom tanks, bella materna underwear, lovely-smelling body butters and facial cleansers, and just about everything else there. It was really nice and a lovely store, but it reminded me why I just don't shop at places like that anymore. I have gotten very good at denying myself fancy things I can't afford, but there are times I really miss it.

After that stop we went to the very cool fenced-in playground and played among other kids. I can tell Sebastian misses the company of other kids his size, I made a promise to both of us to really try and find a set of neighbourhood kids he can play with regularly. My plan is to start by going to a playground at least two mornings a week and to the local drop-in playgroups (there are two free ones) once a week each. With luck I will meet some cool parents and can start building my community.

Post-play we grabbed groceries and headed back to the hotel where we met Andrew for lunch. With all the excitement, I wasn't convinced Sebastian would nap and so made plans to go to a swimming pool. Unfortunately, upon investigating, I learned that the nearest pool's public swim would end before we could get there. While looking for an alternative Sebastian went rock star on the hotel room. It was insane. That was his not-too-subtle way of telling me he was sleepy and needed a nap. I helped him get off to sleep and then started poking around online in the dark. Everything was fun and good until the hotel's internet cut out. Rather than sit sadly in the dark, I sat between the window and the curtains and did a little reading.

Andrew came home with a take-out menu for the veggie place across the street, we ordered a huge amount of food (in the hallway, because Sebastian slept until Andrew left to find a courtesy phone to order food from) and later we ate like royalty on the floor of our hotel room.

It was another late night for Sebastian and early night for us - we were all happily asleep by 10:00pm.

baby steps

I've been going on and on about how miserable I have been feeling and I wanted to share (as well as record for posterity) our tiny successes today.

This morning we slept in a little, found out the library we wanted to go to didn't open until noon and quickly came up with an alternative. S helped me make lunch (he threw the lunch bag on the floor and then ate a piece of cheese, all after sticking our little ice-pack down his pants).

We went to this thing called the play palace that has bouncy castles and ride on toys and a toddler "pit" with a house and a kitchen and padded floors. It cost us less than a fancy coffee ($3.65) and was only a 15 minute drive away. Sebastian played well with the hoards of other kids with minimal intervention on my part (I was alternating between hovering and engaging for all but the 15 minutes it took me to down the coffee I had brought from home). We took a lunch break when he started getting "the crazy" and happily moseyed back in for a 15 minute wrap up. He was all about leaving - we played the "what are you missing?" game, but couldn't resist a mad dash into the arena while I tied my shoes. Thankfully as I dragged him out of there he accepted my explanation that shoes were not allowed and so that was why he could not stay and play any more.

you know, for kids:


We were then able to drop off our overdue movie rentals *and* hit the library right at noon to pick up most of my long list of toddler re-programming books. We also grabbed a few board books, two dvds and 2 cds for S while he munched a clandestine snack and drank his pre-nap milk. In the five minute drive between the library and our house he faded fast.

Arriving home I decided to forgo emptying the car and just grabbed my wallet, keys and the boy. We came inside, he politely requested a diaper change and I took the opportunity to also change him into his PJs. He wasn't exactly happy, knowing that the change of clothes meant he was doomed to nap, but I stayed wonderfully calm and distracted him with three books of increasing sleepiness (10 little ladybugs, happy babies and g'night moon). We rocked for what seemed like forever - my poor back - and both times he thrust himself away from me I calmly held him tight and told him I didn't want him to fall. We rocked until he was calm enough to lie down without getting excited again, read g'night moon one last time and went to sleep. All told it took us only 30 minutes.

I figure I should be able to get a solid two hour nap out of him, giving me time to write this entry, get the bags out of the car, make a snack, plan dinner and maybe even start reading one of the books I brought home (though I won't hold my breath).

Thanks to the words and support of many friends, both on and off-line, I am feeling much clearer and calmer today. I just wanted to say thanks!