taking it further

I am not the only one worried about nasty-ass carcinogens leaching out of the things we keep food in and into the food we eat. angry chicken, aka amy karol, wrote a great bit about her switch over to non-plastics, complete with some more ideas and links to really adorable reusable bags (though they don't seem to be available in Canada). The same article led me over to Sew Green - I have just scratched the surface, but I think I may end up spending an awful lot of time there in the near future.

We are not looking at immediately switching out all our plastics here, due to a recent decision to live more simply and not make any unnecessary purchases in order to save for a still-secret "next big thing" (more on that soon), we are starting to toss out our old plastics and are using our corningware set from our wedding. Most of the dishes have lids and there's a set of four that fit single-servings perfectly.

I checked all of Sebastian's ikea dishware and it is #5 plastic, deemed one of the safer plastics. We don't own a microwave or dishwasher, so we have the added safety of not being able to heat our plastics in the first place. This is a load off my mind, as he is so not ready for breakable dishes! Until we get our Klean Kanteens he'll be served most home-drinks in the safer ikea cups and we will limit sippy-cup use (though, happily, most of our cups are also on the safer list. Except, of course, our much-loved Nalgene cup).

Looking around my house I am in awe of the amount of plastics surrounding us. Just getting rid of it all will make such a difference around here. It won't happen over-night, but when I imagine a home with wooden boxes instead of plastic ones I smile. Plastic is so sterile and devoid of personality. Something you could never say of these apple boxes that came from my grandmother's basement and make great toy storage.



As for all the plastic toys, well, that will be a challenge, but a worthwhile one. From now on we are making an effort to buy better toys - and fewer toys. Today at the beach my son turned rocks into cars and trucks and rocket ships. Instead of the usual giant bag of toys, today we only brought a pail and two shovels. He happily played for TWO HOURS. He would have stayed longer if I'd let him, but I was starving and getting worn out by the constant exploring.

There are some great photos, but my laziness is preventing me from getting up and finding the cord for my camera.

feeling shackled

Andrew is at work for the second time this long weekend. He is out doing what he does best - fixing other people's problems.

This morning, not too long after I herded Andrew and Sebastian out the door so I could clean up our post-weekend mess before packing up a book and my laptop to go enjoy the free wireless and adult company of the neighbourhood coffee shop, I got a call from Andrew. The Server he had spent most of Saturday night installing (it had to be during off-hours and took him from 10pm-5am) wasn't letting some people connect. That call came 6 hours ago, he took Sebastian to his office to see if they could solve the problem, while I knowingly and hastily cleaned the house and prepared things for Sebastian's nap. Sure enough, I got a call just after noon letting me know the problem was a big one and he would be bringing Sebastian home.

Andrew stayed just long enough to change his pants and endure my attempts at cordiality before heading back to put out the fire. I have very patiently waited, expecting some kind of an unsolicited update but getting none - I have called twice only to find out both times that the end is either nowhere in sight or very near. I have mentally changed my plans repeatedly, after the opportunity to spend a couple hours immersed in whatever mood music the young baristas had chosen was taken from me, I contemplated an early movie, then a later movie (we have a gift certificate) - I even came about this close to calling up friends to join me. Now I know there will be no movie, no break, no escape. Sure I have time to write or read disturbing articles about plastics, but none of those things are me leaving the house without a child present.

________________

It is now 7:30pm.

I came to terms with the fact that I would be flying solo tonight and have gone from being pissed to being mildly annoyed and thoroughly disappointed.

Sebastian is watching an episode of the Backyardigans and as soon as that is finished we'll hop in the bath. I am trying to mellow out in order to increase my chances of putting the babe to sleep on my own. I don't usually (ever) do bedtime, though I have over the last months, become pretty good at naptime. I think the basic concept is similar.

Andrew is now on a very expensive call with Apple to troubleshoot the server problem. As far as I know he still has no idea when he'll be home. Part of me is annoyed because he, even with the over-time he is making, is not paid enough to be so thoroughly at his company's beck and call - and part of me is sad because he is doing what he loves, something that makes him feel vital and important and special, while in the company of other adults. A few harsh words and strained smiles are all the adult contact I had today.

Now I'm off to forget my troubles in a warm bath with my beautiful boy.

like I needed more to worry about

I have heard and read about the leaching of harmful chemicals out of plastics and into our food, but it wasn't until I read this article from PLoS Biology that it hit me what a shitty situation we've got ourselves into here.

I think that like many other parents, I trusted that while the danger was known, it was also only a moderate danger. Plus, especially when you are talking about options for child feeding, there is a feeling of having no other choice. Considering whatever type of cup I give Sebastian needs to be resistant to breaking *and* easy to clean, and the same is true of any snack-ware and dish-ware we use for him, plastic is the obvious answer. But now, for his sake and the sake of new baby, I am on the hunt for alternatives. Knowing that I will very likely part-time bottle-feed new baby, I need to find appropriate baby bottles. We will replace Sebastian's cup with a Klean Kanteen or two and while I'm at it I will get one for myself to replace my aging (and thus leaching) Nalgene bottle.

Then I will have to sort through all our other plastic-ware and figure out how to phase it all out without going broke.

my son, the photog

I have taken to letting Sebastian take pictures with the camera (only well-supervised, and always wearing the wrist-strap). Yesterday morning we hit our favourite cheap breakfast spot with our friends Rhys and Nicole. After breakfast began to wind down, but before we were quite ready to give up our table, we gave Sebastian the camera and marvelled as he played.

Here, in his first public exhibition, are the results (link to his flickr slideshow).

teasers:

I think my son is a cat person

If you know me well, you know I am not big on cats. I can put up with them, I even admit that they look awfully cute. I have met great cats, I have met a *lot* of shit-head cats, and every cat I meet aggravates my allergies. I like dogs a little better, but really, fish are right up my alley - especially when I consider how tiny and inoffensive their excrement is.

I think cat people are a little wacky.

Exhibit A:


Exhibit B:



So when, near the end of Emperor's New Groove when Yzma is turned into a fluffy kitty Sebastian got excited, and then when she fell he burst into tears - only stopping when I showed the final scene a few times *proving* the cat was alright - I started to worry a bit. When at the end of the film he threw a level six tantrum, and was only distracted when I made his little people tiger sing the meow mix song, my worries mounted. Now, that he and his dad have watched a good 20 minutes of stupid cat videos on you tube (including the two up there), I am pretty sure we have a genuine cat person in our midst.

I shouldn't be surprised, my feelings about furry animals are not well understood by my husband, who grew up surrounded by cuddly creatures of all shapes and sizes. It is not the first time I've seen a pet in our future, we have time before that is a reality (we're talking years - I am not picking up poop until I am finished with diapers) and enough friends with pets to tide the kid over.

a confesssion

I, Kate Harris, am a slave to my consumer debt.

for drew

breaking through my inertia

It is no secret that I have been battling a little bad mojo over here - I've been feeling lots of shades of blue and gray. I am the first to admit that the last bit of my life has been a trial, first to bitch to anyone who will listen, but the reality of things is, I have it pretty good - and while I feel more blue than I am used to, I know that I am not sliding into depression. At least I am 99% positive I am not. I say this as a person who has been through depression and someone with more than a healthy relationship with denial. I say this because I feel happy between the gray and blue, I say this because I feel normal and a little overwhelmed.


I feel normal, perfectly normal with the scars that come with it. I feel a great variety of emotions and even some that occasionally feel a little excessive, but in the end I keep coming back to me. Something that never happened when I was in my dark place. What I forget is that, while feeling perfectly normal, I still need to work hard.

I worked really hard when I came off my medication three plus years ago. I was desperate not to get pregnant while on pills and somewhat foolishly came off by myself with no medical support. I weaned myself almost accidentally - I started missing my morning dose, then would often start forgetting my afternoon dose... it was a conscious choice, but it happened without my giving it much thought. It took some time to adjust to life with feelings, especially with dark feelings, but in the two years since I had started taking medication my life had changed a lot. There have been rough spots in those last three years, a few times when I thought I might go back on the pills - but without health insurance, it was just cheaper to find natural ways to deal.

There were times I pushed through on my own when I likely should have asked for help. There were more times when I asked for help and got it, or didn't ask - but was given it. And then there were the times I pushed through and found myself forever changed by the process.

I've recently come to the realisation that another one of those push-through times is upon me - there are some essential internal changes that need to take place as I prepare for the upcoming addition to our family. There are also some essential external changes afoot, Andrew and I have been working through our shit in our own way, and I think, I hope that this weekend represents an essential shift back towards our imperfect, perfect balance. I rest assured knowing that we really are pretty fucking awesome together and will naturally work towards our harmony. These marital blips challenge us and break us out of our inertia and every one we have survived has made us stronger as individuals and closer as a couple.

My personal overhaul is in the works. Though calling it that is misleading - things I have been working on for ages will finally be put into action. The past few weeks have found me in a fog of my own confused and conflicting thoughts. This next step will see me filing the less pressing, future goals away for tomorrow - and getting the ball rolling on a new exciting chapter of my life.

The greatest challenge in the near future is, of course, the arrival of our baby this fall. Before that bomb drops, though, I am hoping that all my experiments in frugality and budgeting will finally pay off and we can create a monthly plan that will require little maintenance. This will free up a bundle of my mental and creative energy to do things I actually enjoy, like sewing, cooking and co-parenting.

That last bit is another thing I am working on. I have begun to see myself as Queen Shit around here. I have my finger in everything and actual control of nothing, save the volume of my own screeching voice. I am coming to realise that, perhaps, my standards are too high for any of us to maintain - we have all been guilty of dropping the ball on things around here recently. Just speaking for myself, I have used my pregnancy to full effect to excuse myself from everything from cooking dinner to picking anything up off the floor. I know that I am "allowed" to take it easy right now - but I am also pretty in tune with my body and know what it is capable of. It is capable of doing more. But not as much as it could do a few months ago, my back pain and pelvic aches and today's grocery store arrival of BH contractions all tell me how much is too much.

Now, instead of seeing each ache or cramp as an excuse to stop everything and slump back into my comfy chair to play with my laptop. And then quietly get pissy because "nothing gets done". I will be a little easier on myself and a little clearer about specific duties I would like to outsource to one of the boys. And then... be perfectly content, even if the job was not done exactly as I would have done it. Boy, that is such a toughie. I think, though, the key is to have solid base standards and then accept that how we get to the point where there is no dirt on the dishes, or in the toilet, or toys on the floor is not as important as the fact that the job is done.

Deep breath.

I can not believe it is quite as late as it is - nor can I believe I have been listening to Adult Light Favourites this whole time.

I promise I will post something interesting soon - but not today

I've been going through what could be best described as a funk. Maybe you'd noticed.

Today I did something I haven't done in ages, I cleaned the bathroom. It didn't feel quite as good as I had hoped it would, but once I finished I figured I might as well vacuum the kid's room, then the kid spilled the last of his cheddar gators in the living room, so I hit that one too. By this point I had decided not to make dinner (it would have required a trip to the store) and instead I called the big pizza chain and ordered us a fake pepperoni pizza.

When Andrew got home, he and Sebastian played outside while I *gasp* read a book. I finished Miss Wyoming, many many moons after I started it. It was nice to do something else, I have been too connected lately, reading too much online, absorbing too much news and too many opinions. Wasting too much time.

It is like my old relationship with television. So I need to reign that crap in before it gets all out of hand. I think I am going to take a break from some of my daily reads - perhaps pick up some new-old ones (having finally imported my old Internet Explorer favourites) and maybe take some time for my hobbies. Or maybe pencil some time for my family in somewhere.

In that vein (or not), I have four or five half-finished blog entries I am going to finish up this weekend - so that I can stop feeling so overwhelmed every time I open dashboard. Plus there will be all kinds of cute pictures.

I'm all funned out

Another exhausting week under my belt.

Sebastian and I have been somewhat at odds and his newest trick is screaming at the top of his lungs until my ears bleed. Its been "fun" and he has a future as a metal singer. Think of all the groupies - lucky kid!

Speaking of headbanging, he's taken up that habit again. It seems to be indicative of a great leap forward cognitively, so I am reluctant to make a big deal out of it. But I hate it so much. The payoff seems to be his ability to put together ever-more-complex ideas and sentences. Currently they are mostly of the "Mom, can I please have ____," or "Dad, can I please go to ____?" He has also started telling stories, complex, rambling, sometimes not-quite-sensical stories. His imagination is really blossoming- which is likely the most fascinating and fun thing we've witnessed so far.

Last week he hosted a tea party for a few, select stuffed animals. It started off normal enough and evolved into something a little more Mad Hatter.


We've also visited the science centre, the beach, Granville Island, the beach, and today plan on going to a nearby lake park. The weather looks shit, but we're going anyways - I don't think hanging out inside is such a great idea.

I've dusted off my trusted Mommy Mantras book and a few choice mantras are helping me start to find my peace again*.

Now I'm off to find a pair of pants that fit and convince my son that wearing socks with boots is a good idea.

*curious? "I am not Buddha" has helped remind me that sometimes simply getting through the day is good enough; "Bring it on" has helped me harness my strengths and let go of my insecurities and negative self-talk and get on with getting on (piles of dishes, laundry, empty fridge and a screaming toddler? bring it on!); and "Soften to the feeling" essentially it means I recognise a negative feeling (or reaction to a negative situation) and instead of bristling against it, I just acknowledge it and move on. What I could really use is a night off, a visit from a house cleaner, a few meals cooked for me, time to sew, the company of adults and an uninterrupted night's sleep. Until hell freezes over I will make do with a few mantras in my pocket.