Saturday, November 17

obsess much?

Normally when something is afflicting a family member or friend I am the first to hit the internet to better understand. This time, I am making a conscious effort not to do too much research before my initial evaluation on Wednesday - I don't want to inadvertently taint my answers to better fit one mold or another.

That said, I needed to find out if maybe I was crazy (not an appropriate term, eh?) and I am not in fact, suffering PPD - I mean, I still laugh, still have moments of joy, it isn't like I can't function - my house (until yesterday) has stayed spotless, I make budgets and meal plans and pay bills (again, until yesterday - so I should take care of that), I may not be leaving the house much, but I make plans and when I do leave the house I am... okay... not great, I would rather be at home, away from people and their judging eyes - away from big trucks and their crushing wheels, away from constant reminders of how not together I have it (for example, my inability to follow driving directions and consistently get lost - once it was annoying, but funny, now it feels like a sign of my failures as a parent).

So I did a little researching, I knew anxiety was part of the problem - and lo and behold, the postpartum period can introduce all kinds of mood disorders, not just depression. So, armed now with the knowledge that when I go in an tell them that I do still have fun they won't send me off with a pat on the head. When I read the symptoms for OCD it was like a lightbulb went off, and when I told Andrew what I had done and what I thought and he rolled his eyes and then nodded knowingly - OCD would fit a lot of what I've been doing and thinking. We will see what comes of my meeting on Wednesday, but it is just nice knowing that I can be briefly happy and still sick (not actually being sick, being a hypochondriac, is a bit of a phobia of mine).

6 comments:

joanne said...

i heart your blog, yo.
you rock it, rock rock rock it. be bop a diddilly schwap cop dib bip.

okay, you have insane friends. we are all insane, and i totally would give you a hug if i could.

settle for my diddly bo be bop tho, won't cha? my shiddily vo peacock a widgy butt man hunt fo tum lum bum shum a rum dum.

take 'er easy, eh?

kate harris said...

oh joanne - how I love you.

xoxo

Kelly Hogaboom said...

Hey there... congrats on your new one - Rigby eh? Excellent.

I am reading your blog and really relating to my life after my second was born - 3.5 years ago, now! Please do drop me a line. I'd love to talk. I've been there. kelly AT hogaboom DOT org.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Kate! You're still a super-hero, super-mama to me! I love you, and I know you'll find a way back to bliss. Mental hugs from across the country. Call me anytime!!!
KT

Michelle said...

Hey Girlie!

Congrats on Rigby. I would love to see some pictures.

I am proud of you for telling Andrew and asking for help. If you ever need to chat with a fellow mum who went through PPD please, please, email me.

Love ya!

Michelle aka Babbs

kate harris said...

a big, fat "thank-you" to all of you excellent women. Your support means a lot to me.