Sunday, November 25

perfection paralysis

My mom leaves tomorrow evening. I have gotten quite comfortable with having another person or two around to take care of things and am actually a little frightened to face life on my own again. But I also feel rested, competent and ready to get back to work.

I am really thankful my mother was here through this week, it has been a tougher than normal one, not only because of the obvious, but also because Sebastian got his first pair of glasses *and* needs to wear an eye-patch. Having an extra pair of hands to help pick up toys and do dishes and hold the baby has been really nice - but her biggest gift has been to remind me (constantly) how normal and wonderful Sebastian is. She has also been able to point out that him screaming his head off when it is time to take off his patch is a cry for attention more than anything else - she has given me the strength to let him howl and not think that it makes me a bad mother. She has watched him plot and play us - smart cookie that he is - and watched us do his bidding. She helped us remember that ours is a kid who craves structure and rules, even as his rails against them (just like his mama).

She also did all she could to whittle away at all my excuses for staying home - she bought me a really lovely jacket (actually a "3-in-1" jacket that is not only cute but also perfectly suited to life on the west coast) and a nice pair of waterproof boots (lusciously wool-lined and crazy-comfy). She accompanied us to the family centre and Science World - both were no-sweat and pretty easy to get to with just the tiniest bit of pre-planning. We even made it to Costco (and I decided that *that* was something I would never attempt alone with both kids).

Before she leaves we will have an easy meal plan and activity schedule down and have figured out ways for everyone to monitor me and keep me on track. We will also make a plan for breaks for everyone - Sebastian is going to start visiting his grandparents on the island regularly and I also know we have enough willing and lovely friends who would happily take Sebastian for a night or an afternoon to give us a break from each-other. This stuff won't make the underlying issues disappear, but will give me the time and space not to let my mind get so far away from me.

There's a bunch of other stuff I was going to write about (right... the perfection paralysis of the title) - but my mind has moved on to something else and I think I need to deal with that first. Oh, and I've gone through and posted a bunch of nearly finished entries from the last few months, they're all tagged unfinished, if you're curious.

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